sometimes, babygirl is a forty year old autistic man with severe mental illness

drunken monologues

[modern au, izzy & jim friendship is amazing]

Izzy was sick of pretending to enjoy himself at gatherings like these. He knew he was kind of obligated to be there, but that did not mean that he was having fun. The lights were bright and flashing, music pounding so heavily in his ears that he couldn't hear the people around him speaking. It was Bonnet's birthday, so Ed had arranged for the whole crew to go out to a bar to celebrate. Izzy wasn't going to complain, though he hated places like these, because this day wasn't about him. He absolutely was not going to let himself ruin the night for everyone just because he didn't know how to handle himself in these sort of environments.

After a few hours, the dread that typically came with having to socialise for long periods of time became overwhelming. Everyone around him was drunk and so was he. He got pissy when he was drunk. Feeling a strong desire to claw his way out of his skin if he were to stay there much longer, Izzy made his way to the bathrooms. The stench of alcohol and body odour overcame him as he shoved past countless bodies. Finally he pushed open the door, finding it empty. Quickly, he locked himself in one of the stalls and started to cry quietly. Fucking weak, couldn't even spend time with his friends without breaking down. What kind of a pirate was he?

And so Izzy Hands found himself crouched in the gender-neutral bathrooms of some random club, curled up into a ball and leaning against the stall door. He grit his teeth, trying to ignore the splitting headache that was slowly developing. Clenching his hands around nothing, he stood up shakily and sucked in a breath. His hands shook as he unlocked the door and walked out, coming face to face with one Jim Jiminez. They looked at him with a sympathetic smile. Izzy scowled.

"Have you been... crying?" Jim asked in slight disbelief. He scoffed at them, walking over to the sink and cupping his hands beneath the tap. He brought the water up to his face, washing off the tear stains that Jim must have noticed.

"No. I haven't. If you're going to mock me, fuck off." He shot back. Jim raised their eyebrows incredulously. His vision blurred a little, headache making itself known once again.

"I'm not mocking you. Just checking in, y'know?" Jim reassured. They punctuated their sentence with a comforting look. God, did Izzy hate that look. The pity in their eyes brought him back to his childhood. It was the same look that the welfare people gave him when they came to take him away. It was the same look he got every time Ed found him bleeding out on the floor. It was the same look he got from the teachers at school when he cut off all his hair and stopped wearing dresses. He hated being pitied. It was shit.

"Right. Well, for your information, I'm fucking fine. So you can go back to all of the others and leave me in peace." He demanded. Why wouldn't Jim just fuck off and leave him be? They moved closer to him, placing a hand on his elbow. He stepped back.

Jim was nice enough. Izzy tolerated them. They were less annoying than some people, and weren't particularly loud. Often when Izzy found himself unable to sleep, Jim was also up. They would sit in silence on the deck with him, spinning their knife as the duo waited for the sun to rise. They were decent company. If Izzy had to pick a member of the crew to spend a day with, they'd be in his top 3. But right now, Izzy didn't want to deal with anyone. And that included Jim.

"I'm not sure you are fine, though. You don't seem to be doing particularly well." They proclaimed. They sounded like one of the very many CAMHS therapists that he had been forced to talk to. Izzy rolled his eyes. He didn't need sympathy.

"None of us are fine, really. I'm doing alright, Jim, I promise. I just fucking hate parties." Izzy explained, waving them off.

"I feel you on that one. I'm gonna leave you alone now. I'll come and check on you later, Izzy. Um... Stay safe." Jim concluded, walking out of the bathroom awkwardly. Izzy sighed, leaning against the bathroom wall. People sucked. Jim was alright, though. Most of the crew were fine compared to others. He could deal with them. The night was nearly over.