𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄

𝟒. 𝐓𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠

I sat at the kitchen table, watching as the words from the book I was reading blurred in front of my eyes. I was starting to get used to sitting with my family for breakfast, starting to get used to the ungodly hour they all seemed to enjoy getting up at and starting to get used to the slightly uncomfortable stares they were all trying not to give me. Even Tara didn't seem to be quite so offended by my presence, yet she still wouldn't look at me and rarely spoke at all. It was a stark contrast to five days ago, where she didn't want to be anywhere near me whatsoever and was even angered by mentions of my existence. I was even starting to get used to eating breakfast in the morning, and sometimes even branched away from my regular soggy - and slightly dull - cheerios.

It had finally reached the day I was dreading but, deep down, I was a little bit excited. Yes, it was terrifying and it could go wrong. It could go wrong so incredibly quickly. However, it was my chance to attempt to make amends, and it was also my chance to try, try just being normal, being nice. I remember people telling me: "Oh, don't change yourself for other people,", but what if I was changing myself for myself? Nobody had ever told me that doing that was a specifically terrible thing.

When I looked at the three other people who were sitting around the table, I was greeted by the same three people doing the same thing and looking the same as they had for the previous four days. My mum was fretting and looking unnaturally red and flustered, my dad reading the exact same paper that was delivered yesterday. My sister sat nonchalantly on her chair, her hands in her lap, and she appeared to be doing nothing at all. I could tell that nobody was overly happy about the situation we were all in, but nobody could really say anything. It would have been incredibly rude, for starters. All of a sudden, my mother and father spoke up at the same time.

"So, everybody-" My mum started at the same time as my dad coughed to get everybody's attention.

"Well-" They looked at each other and shared a moment of scepticism, before my mum shrunk in her seat and let my dad speak. He had a moment of self-congratulation and complacency before continuing with his words.

"Well, I thought that today we could go into town and buy some special treats for my favourite two - sorry, three - girls, after all it is a lovely day and I do believe that there are some places I could take you all-" I bit my lip and shook my head anxiously at my father, but ensured that it was subtle because I didn't want to be shouted at. I took a moment to take a glance at everybody else, and was incredibly relieved to see that nobody else seemed to be particularly keen. My mum just looked tired and Tara looked particularly disinterested. "No? Well, I guess that if nobody cares for my idea-"

"I'm not going out today," Tara said in an unreadable tone of voice and, for the first time in forever, I found myself in agreement with my little sister.

"I'm actually busy today... as well..." I felt the words stumble clumsily out of my mouth and my cheeks reddened when I was looked at in disbelief. There was an intense pause before my mum took over the speaking role.

"That's lovely, Annie... What are your plans?" She smiled expectantly at me and gestured at me, suggesting that it was my turn to talk.

"Well..." Deep breaths, deep breaths, relax your shoulder, simply talk about your plans and then go upstairs and hide away for a couple of hours. "I'm actually meeting up with Lola in a few hours, at three. I managed to meet up with her a couple of... days ago." My news was greeted by a series of "aww's" and "oh, isn't that nice?'s".

"Aww, how lovely is that? I'm so glad that you're back in touch with her, what a lovely girl she is?"

"Yeah, yeah, I think so..." I really wished that I hadn't said anything, the response was so overwhelmingly patronising all because I hadn't left the house properly in a very long time to them.