"Little princess, baby girl,
The best thing in the world"
Your sugarcoated words are empty.
7 years ago, they would have made me
Jump, fly,
Flit around with a stupid smile,
all teeth and crinkled eyes,
just the way you like it.
Now all i feel is used.
I remember the good days,
When i was just a happy babe,
All innocent and childish ways,
For a moment,
it felt like nothing could taint me.
Now here i stand,
used paper, old news.
Once a blank canvas, now dark hues
Painted with salty tears and bloody wounds,
I'm stained.
And somehow, it feels like its all on you.
I have your face,
your walk,
your grace, and yet,
It seems i can never match your pace.
I try my best,
i labor,
No rest,
I slit my wrists, and bang my head,
When all i do is fail.
You are poison,
Pain.
The blood runs cold in my veins.
Its just a matter of days,
Before you leave me feeling drained.
You're the drug,
The cocaine,
The endless storm of acid rain,
That rains down on my skin,
Peels me raw and
Drives me fucking insane.
Go on.
Love me,
Praise me,
Hurt me,
Break me.
Give into your urges and lay waste,
Douse me in gasoline,
and set me ablaze.
I'm your greatest mistake.
Your worst crime,
your best play.
I fuel your endless pride,
And yet i'm your heaviest chain.
Its ironic, this game.
Of joy and grief and hate.
Of possibility and mutual gain.
Possession.
Toxicity.
Its just a little bit depraved.
You've left me sore,
Tame,
Feeling unloved and betrayed.
Cursed,
Branded,
Never to trust again.
And yet,
I'll go on.
Keep your secrets,
Hold you close,
Lift you up,
Your unwavering support.
For my sense of self duty,
Is silenced by my traitorous soul.
We are one in the same,
I'm the handle to your blade,
We're two birds of a feather,
Blackened and frayed.
The candle to my flame,
Advisor to my reign.
A walking red flag,
And yet,
In all my naiveté,
All i do is deny your obvious craze.
For you're my hero,
My domain,
I'll take the fall, and accept the blame.
Find solace, in us someday,
Laughing over all this,
Sipping wine or champagne.
For our bond runs deep,
Further than blood, bones and DNA
A contract that's inhumane,
And yet, can never be disposed.
You sweep through my brain,
Like a lethal hurricane.
A part of me knows,
it'll never be the same.
I swear i'll throw myself in front of a goddamn train,
If all i really bring you is indignity and shame.
Cuz let's be real,
All i do is beg, weep and pray,
And hope tommorow will be better than yesterday,
For the end of us is a long way away.
You're my burden,
My saint,
You put food on the table and provide a place to stay.
I dont wanna seem ungrateful,
I'm just really not okay.
I know you care,
Though the way you show it is strange.
I'll do my part,
And bring good to your name.
I'll sit down proper,
And endure this emotional rape.
After all,
I am your only daughter,
And what goes is your say,
So i'll be a good girl,
And always obey.
For this is our foretold fate,
My dearest, darling
Mother.
