Behind The Cloud

CHAPTER THREE

"Battle has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allāh knows, while you know not".

Q(2:216)ِ

The night was dark and still, making whoever had a worry feel like the night had a worry, too. It was the case with Ja’afar as he sat on the pavement outside the male medical ward. He was not on call, but he could not for the life of him sleep in that house when Yasmeen was not there. She had refused to follow them home, so he had come straight to the hospital from Kamal’s parent’s home.

Since when did you feel obligated to explain your affairs to me?

What you decide to do with your life is none of my business.

...stay within your limits, and I’ll stay within mine.

Her voice was all that filled his head. Her words were all he thought of.

The first statement sounded harsh, the second careless, and the last cold. The more he thought about it, the more he felt pain in his chest. Maybe because she had warmed up to him, he never expected these words from her. But who was he kidding? Yasmeen Umar Marafa had always been flexible and unpredictable. Sometimes, he compared her with a chameleon because of how swift she changed emotions.

“Should I be happy or sad that you’re here tonight?” Dr Isah’s voice pierced his thoughts, and he spared him a glance. Then he resumed staring at space. Dr Isah occupied the space beside him and glanced at him for a while.

Dr Isah didn’t share a very strong relationship with Ja’afar, but the two related well. He didn’t know if he could call him his friend, but he knew he was beyond an acquaintance. Ja’afar was very observant, so he always noticed any change in his mood. He had been there to encourage him in moments when he felt down, so it was only fair if he returned the favour. Ja’afar didn’t look fine.

“What’s up with you? You look troubled” Dr Isah said after a while.

Ja’afar released a long, deep breath. He didn’t have any close friends he shared his problems with. He usually never had problems since after her because he never allowed himself to get attached to anyone. His relationships with people were peripheral with no strings attached; including his girls. That was why he had a lot of them. So, having an issue with Yasmeen now was a first for him after a very long while. He could use some advice from Dr Isah.

“Girl problem” Ja’afar said, causing Dr Isah to smile.

“Is it Yasmeen?” Dr Isah asked, and Ja’afar was quick to look at him.

“I’m surprised you still remember her name. It’s not all the time that doctors remember their patient’s name” Ja’afar stated honestly. Dr Isah nodded in agreement.

“Considering the fact that you moved back to the hospital during her stay and she was all you mentioned, it’s difficult to not remember her name” Dr Isah stated as a matter of factly and Ja’afar released a deep breath.

“Was I that obvious?” He glanced at Dr Isah, and he nodded. Ja’afar decided to open up to him.

“I am not as decent as you think” Ja’afar said after a while.

“We all have skeletons in our cupboards” Dr Isah said, and Ja’afar smiled a sad smile. Of recent, he did not like to visit the memories he had in Turkey. They were not memorable ones.

“I did my MBBS in Turkey, and the life I led there is not something I’m proud of now. I had so many girlfriends I flirted with. There were times I drank too. Coming back to Nigeria put a restraint on me to some extent, so I only kept the company I had back in Turkey. Technology made it easier for me to communicate with my girls. I didn’t care if my silly acts tainted my reputation as a muslim or as a doctor. I only did what my heart desired.
Deep down, I knew I was sinning, but I was already addicted to girls, and I didn’t want to stop because they take my mind off things I’m supposed to be worried about. I also felt so ashamed of myself that I did not find the journey back to Allah worth giving a try.