Jack Hoffmens Gay Homosexual Saga

Ben Derhover

Jack was at Walmart buying some tampons when he saw a homeless man doing drugs, probably the reason he was homeless. This homeless man was built different in a way that Jack found attractive.
"Hey, do you have somewhere to stay for a bit?" Jack was intending to invite this homeless man to his house.
"Yeah, I have this cardboard mat baby girl." the homeless man replied.
"W-Well, do you want to c-come over to m-my house?" Jack asked with a squeaky voice.
"Sure, I'll come to your house, but only if I can bring my drugs." the homeless man said. This man is an idiot, why would he just accept to  come over to some stranger's house? I'm not saying I'm disappointed but still. . . Jack kept these thoughts to himself though, he didn't want to ruin his chances with the new guy.
"Alright, follow me," Jack told the attractive homeless man,"Who even are you?"
"Ben Derhover, who are you?" Ben questioned Jack.
"I'm Jack Hoffmen, the ultimate homosexual," Jack introduced himself.
As they walked to Jack's house they made conversation.
"S-So Ben, why do you do drugs?" Jack asked
"Because I like men and drugs remind me of the feelings of another man's botty checks, and stuff." Ben said O.M.G! THIS HOT MAN IS A HOMOSEXUAL! Jack thought.
"Well, Well, Well, Hello daddy." Said a child. No! it can't be! Jack thought.
"DONALD TRUMP JUNIOR!?" Jack exclaimed "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?" He yelled as a tear rolled down his check. The last time he had seen Donald was when David disappeared, and seeing him again brought back so many memories.
"Hey kid, you wanna buy some drugs?" Ben asked.
"No, I'm here to see you daddy! I miss you!" Donald Trump jr said as he ran to hug jack.
"NOOOOO!" Jack yelled in a super high pitch voice as he kicked Donald Trump Jr into the sun.
"DADDY NOOOOOOOOO!" he yelled.
"Wow, that was crazy bro." Ben commented.

After that incident, they went to Jack's house where Jack set up a bed for Ben to sleep on.
"Wow thanks for all that, as payment, do you want some drugs?" be asked, excited to share drugs with another man.
"Wow that's so kind of you, sure!" Jack said with excitement at the thought of it.
"OK! Here!" Ben said, pouring the drugs into Jack's hand.

-the next day-

"Ugh..." Ben said as he woke up. He couldn't remember what happened after they took the drugs because he was too high.
"Hey Ben, do you want some nut juice?" Jack had been working all night to prepare some delicious nut juice for Ben.
"Nut juice?" Ben was so confused with how nonchalantly Jack just offered him some nut juice that he thought he was still high.
"Yeah, condensed milk. The brand is called nut juice, and they also have Almond milk and coconut milk, they make milk for lactose intolerant people like myself. Do you want some? I worked all night to get it. it's really poggers?" Jack said while offering him a glass of the nut juice.
"OH! Sure, thanks," Ben said, his mind being pulled out of the gutter. Who the hell drinks condensed milk? Ben thought as he slurped dorn the condensed milk since he was so thankful that Jack had given him a place to stay.
"It tastes kinda weird but I like it!" Ben remarked.
So to repay that he was going to ask Jack out, after all this man was obviously super gay. 
"Hey Jack, would you like to go on a date?" Ben said, biting his lip. This attractive man has just asked me out on a date!! This is, like, the 5th person who's asked me out. This must be the power of being e-sekaied!! Jack thought. He was very happy to have, yet another, boyfriend.
"Sure, let's go to Mcdonalds," Jack was craving some fries cause he was and his period.
-At the Mcdonalds-

"I would like a Big Mac, Quarter Pounder with Cheese, BLT, Quarter Pounder, Bacon Habanero Ranch Quarter Pounder, Bacon & Cheese Quarter Pounder, Deluxe Quarter Pounder, Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, Hamburger, Cheeseburger, Grilled Onion Cheddar Burger, Double Cheeseburger, McDouble, Daily Double, McRib, Premium McWrap, Chicken & Bacon (Crispy), Premium McWrap Chicken & Bacon (Grilled), Premium McWrap Chicken & Ranch (Crispy), Premium McWrap Chicken & Ranch (Grilled), Premium McWrap Sweet Chili Chicken (Crispy), Premium McWrap Sweet Chili Chicken (Grilled), Chipotle BBQ Snack Wrap (Crispy), Chipotle BBQ Snack Wrap (Grilled), Honey Mustard Snack Wrap (Crispy), Honey Mustard Snack Wrap (Grilled), Ranch Snack Wrap (Crispy), Ranch Snack Wrap (Grilled), Mac Snack Wrap, Chicken McNuggets, Premium Crispy Chicken Classic Sandwich, Premium Grilled Chicken Classic Sandwich, Premium Crispy Chicken Club Sandwich, Premium Grilled Chicken Club Sandwich, Premium Crispy Chicken Ranch BLT Sandwich, Premium Grilled Chicken Ranch BLT Sandwich, McChicken Southern Style Crispy Chicken Sandwich, Filet-O-Fish, Premium Bacon Ranch Salad, Premium Bacon Ranch Salad with Crispy Chicken, Premium Bacon Ranch Salad with Grilled Chicken, Premium Caesar Salad Premium Caesar Salad with Crispy Chicken, Premium Caesar Salad with Grilled Chicken, Premium Southwest Salad, Premium Southwest Salad with Crispy Chicken, Premium Southwest Salad with Grilled Chicken, Side Salad, Fruit & Maple Oatmeal, Egg McMuffin, Egg White Delight McMuffin, Sausage McMuffin, Sausage McMuffin with Egg Steak Egg & Cheese McMuffin, Bacon Egg & Cheese Biscuit, Sausage Biscuit, Sausage Biscuit with Egg, Steak Egg & Cheese Biscuit, Bacon Egg & Cheese McGriddles, Sausage McGriddles, Sausage Egg & Cheese McGriddles, Bacon Egg & Cheese Bagel, Steak Egg & Cheese Bagel, Big Breakfast, Big Breakfast with Hotcakes, Cinnamon Melts, Hotcakes, Hotcakes and Sausage, Southern Style Chicken Biscuit, Sausage Burrito, Hash Browns, World Famous Fries, Apple Slices, Fruit 'N Yogurt Parfait, Premium Roast Coffee, McCafé Latte, McCafé Mocha, McCafé Caramel Mocha, McCafé Hot Chocolate, Premium Roast Iced Coffee, McCafé Iced Mocha, McCafé Iced Caramel Mocha, McCafé Frappé Mocha, McCafé Frappé Caramel, McCafé Frappé Chocolate Chip, McCafé Blueberry Pomegranate Smoothie, McCafé Strawberry Banana Smoothie, McCafé Mango Pineapple Smoothie, McCafé Frozen Strawberry Lemonade, McCafé Cherry Berry Chiller, McCafé Vanilla Shake, McCafé Chocolate Shake, McCafé Strawberry Shake, McCafé Dulce de Leche Shake, Vanilla Cone, Kiddie Cone, Hot Fudge Sundae, Hot Caramel Sundae, Strawberry Sundae, McFlurry with M&M's®, McFlurry with OREO Cookies, Baked Apple Pie, Soft Baked Chocolate Chip Cookie, and a Soft Baked Oatmeal Raisin Cookie," Ben finished.
"Will that be all sir?" the waitress said, clearly tired from all the bullsh*t of working in customer service all day.
"Yes, I'd also like some mustard." Ben announced.
"A-And I'd like some lemonade" Jack muttered.
"*sigh* alright, coming right up..." the waitress sighed.
Ben was a heavy eater. Jack had already assumed this off the fact that he was built like a pop tart, but HOLY BALLS that's a lot of money, at Mcdonald's too. Well whatever, I'll just ask Korosensei for some money later. Jack thought, as Ben started to pull out some drugs and put them on his food. He wanted to be polite to this new love interest so he bought everything for Ben and the lemonade for himself. And just as they finished eating...
"WOW! That was food, you haven't eaten like that in last year!" Ben exclaimed clearly high.
"I hope you had a nice meal..." the waitress started "Good thing it will be your last!" she said as she pulled off her face to reveal...
"GOD!? IT WAS YOU ALL ALONG!?" Jack exclaimed
"Wa-" that was all Ben could say before god ate him.
"GOD! D*MNIT THAT WAS MY NEW BOYFRIEND!" Jack yelled in anger
"WELL BAD TOO!" God yelled, high from eating Ben, as she flew away.