𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐥 𝐣𝐚𝐤𝐨𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐤𝐲

Content warning: Miscarriage

It was pain. Pain that ripped through your abdomen as if it demanded to be felt, a pain so excruciating that you felt like you couldn't breathe as you jolted from the depths of sleep. It was a sharp, searing pain that sliced through your lower abdomen like a hot knife as you struggled to sit up in bed, your head slightly swimming with a sleep-deprived dizziness. As you pushed yourself upright, laboriously pushing your duvet aside, a gasp left your lips and your eyes shot open in horror at the sight that greeted you.

The once pristine white sheets were marred with large crimson stains, spreading like a macabre canvas across the mattress. Your breath hitched in your throat and panic seized in your chest as you realized. Blood. So much blood.
Clutching your stomach, your mind raced with a million thoughts as you almost automatically reached to your left side to shake awake your -

Of course, you remembered, as your fingers grasped the empty air next to you. It made no sense to long for Emil when he wasn't there. Not when he was about a 1000 kilometres away at a tournament, most likely fast asleep and absolutely clueless about what was happening. Panic surged within you. You couldn't do this alone. Not now, not in this moment you needed him the most.

With trembling hands, you reached for your phone on the bedside table, your throat constricting as you glanced at the time. It was 2 am in the morning - you knew you couldn't call him; it was the dead of night and he had an important game tomorrow. And you knew it would probably not only wake Emil, but also Simon, who he shared a room with. You knew both of them had to get their well-deserved rest and you didn't want to be a burden. They had more important things to care about and you understood.

You reached for one of Emil's cozy sweaters and a pair of his sweatpants as you dragged yourself out of bed, lightheadedly stumbling towards the bathroom. You could feel the warm, sticky sensation of blood pooling in between your thighs, drenching your sleep shorts, your body wrecking with fear. You tried to reassure yourself, tried to repeat it like a mantra in your brain. Everything will be alright. You couldn't afford to fall apart when so much was at stake.

Leaning heavily against the sink, you splashed cold water onto your face, the shock of it jolting your senses momentarily, making you forget about the fear clawing at your insides for a second. With trembling hands you grabbed a towel and began provisorically cleaning up the blood from your skin before putting on your boyfriend's cozy clothes, his cologne still present in the fabric, feeling like a comforting embrace, like his comforting embrace.

With a determined exhale, you slipped on a pair of sneakers and made your way out of the front door, the chill of the cold January air seeping through your clothes. Each step felt heavier than the last as you stumbled towards your car, your mind a whirlwind of frantic thoughts and fears.

You kept racking your brain, trying to detailedly recall everything you knew about pregnancy, desperately searching for just a little thing you could've potentially done wrong or -

But bleeding could possibly be normal, right?

But the pain was a little too intense to feel like usual cramps and the amount of blood still staining your bed at home was just a little too much to be normal. Tears blurred your vision as your boyfriend's presence was the only thing you longed for right now, the fear and uncertainty right in this moment almost the same as when you had told him about the positive pregnancy test.

"I don't know what to say." he murmured, his thoughts racing a hundred miles per minute as he tried to make sense of the situation.

"Please." you begged. "Say anything." Your voice cracked a little with emotion. "Will you leave me?"