Orlaith the Mafia Boss

chapter 4

As the police point their guns directly st Orlaith, a thousand memories flicker through her head.
She wasn't always like this. Her Dad was a pimp who spent most of his time at the casino, and her mother was a crack addict with a leopard fur coat. Her dad owned an Italian restaurant which, she learned as she grew older, was host to many mafia meetings. Her Dad's name was Mr. Soprano. She was an only child, yet her parents still never found time for her. She felt very strongly about her family, and would fight anyone who challenged their morals.
One fateful evening when she was staying at her grandmother's house, she was given some words of wisdom.
"Family," grandma croaked "is the most important thing. Don't give up on them, ever. Y'hear me doll?"
Just then, a group of masked men crashed through her grandma's window.
"A'IGHT GET YA HANDS IN THE AIR OR I'LL SHOOT YOU!"
He killed her grandma. One clean shot right between the eyebrows. Her favourite family member- dead. Just like that. She ran, not looking back, for 5 blocks until she was home. She crawled into bed, crying. Her parents found out the next morning.

Some would suggest this is where Orlaith's obsession with old ladies began. But who knows? Nobody could tell what was going on inside that woman's head. Her parents knew she had an unhealthy parasocial relationship with Jennifer Coolidge when she was young, but so what? Everyone has a celebrity crush.

The police bellowed
"What are you hiding in here, huh?"
Orlaith instantly snapped back into reality.
"Uh, erm, uhm, mice! I have a mice factory, yeah."
"Okay...then can we check underneath the tarp?"
"Sure thing," she answered them with a smile.
As soon as the police went down the cellar stairs she ran as fast as she could out the front door. She put her keys in the ignition.
"ALRIGHT, DUDE, PEDAL TO THE METAL!"
She always loved a good catchphrase. It concerned those around her.
The police may have been firing bullets through her Bentley Mulsanne, but that didn't stop her from tearing open a packet of ham. She stress-ate, but specifically stress-ate ham. She was from Italian descent, so her family was very dissatisfied that she would eat Tesco ham rather than prosciutto.
She felt trapped. The shots left a ringing in her left ear.
"Alright, pal.." she muttered "you've got two options...the easy way; or MY WAY!"
Orlaith pulled out her machine gun she had handy, and opened fire on them. The police cars swerved and crashed into each other. Orlaith began thinking about her women, and what she'd do. Then she remembered...being a mafia boss gave you some connections. She had free reign over the city.

[I write these while I'm in the living room with my parents. I am terrified that one day they'll ask me what I am looking at. To be continued...]