Me, Myself and I
Imagine being a 13 year old girl who struggled with fitting in, anxiety and depression. That was me. It was the year of 2021. I wanted nothing more than for a boy to like me. I had no self respect. I didn't even know what self respect was at the time. All I cared about was stupid boys.
I was in 6th grade, I had just moved to Ffort Madison and there was this crazy, obnoxious, loud boy named Dillon. He was popular and dumb. He asked me to be his girlfriend and of course I said yes because I had the biggest crush on him ever. He treated me like crap and I let him. Don't ask me why I let him because I don't know. I was stupid.
OAnyways, one night in March, at midnight he called me. I was sleeping and my dad listened to the voicemail he left me.
I listened to the voice mail and in it he said "He was going to rape and beat up me and my best friend(Trystan)."
My dad called the cops and they didn't do anything besides talk to Dillons dad. The next day, at school as soon as I saw him I marched right up to Dillon, tapped him on the shoulder, told him I was breaking up with him and he didn't care. He just shrugged his shoulders and said okay.
With anger and hurt boiling in my veins ,I slapped him as hard as I could, leaving a red handprint on his cheek, kicked him in the leg and ran away to the bathroom crying. I avoided him for the rest of the year and I stopped eating lunch because seeing him made me nauseous. I started hurting myself. I cut my self on my arm and stomach. (Don't worry, later on I got help and got better) I hated him after that. To this day, I still have those scars. All because of some stupid boy. The only things going on in my mind at the time was "What is wrong with me?" "I'm so ugly." "I'm not good enough." Etc.
Fast forward to the 7th grade. I met this guy named Mycah. He was a horrible kid. He treated me worse than Dillon did. When he asked me out I stupidly said yes. We went on a date to the movies and he wanted to see some dumb Bob's Burgers movie while I really wanted to see Top Gun Maverick. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to ruin the date. So, we went and watched Bob's Burgers. The date went horribly. He was yelling, cursing, throwing popcorn and putting his feet on other people's chairs. I was mortified. I stayed slouched down as far as I could in my seat with my hood on hoping no one recognized me. That night I went home embarrassed.
Later on he said "He was sorry, that he loved me and was just on a sugar high."
I stupidly gave him another chance. A month later, he dumped me. He started following me around and harassing me. I basically let him. I still was his friend and sat by him on the bus every day. Later on, he started sexually harassing me. I avoided him as much as possible. One day after school, he tried to follow me home . I told my parents and they made me report him to the school officer.
One day, while scrolling on Ffacebook I saw a quote and it stuck with me."We may lose sight of our feelings, our boundaries, and misplace our own worth and self-respect. From here, it can be hard to turn things around. But regaining that respect can empower you in the most amazing ways. You can take control of your life and make it what you want it to be."
I was in 8th grade. It was my last year in middle school. I got asked out by Aaron. I'd had a crush on him for a while now. He wasn't the best. We started dating, and dated for a few months. He cheated on me with a new girl at school and dumped me on Christmas. I was heartbroken. Later on she moved to a new town. He wanted to get back with me and said "He loved and missed me." I stupidly believed him. He treated me like crap and manipulated me. I knew I deserved better but I didn't care. Later on after 6 months! 6 freaking months! He dumped me and said "He didn't like me as much as he used to." I was angry and hurt, I said some really hurtful things to him but hey he deserved it. I cried a lot.
Eventually, I realized I didn't deserve this. I deserved so much more. I didn't need him. After that I started to focus on myself. I slowly but surely started to realize just how horribly he treated me and how stupid I was. Him breaking up with me was a real eye opener for me. It made me learn to love and respect myself.
Around a week later, I was asked out by an ex (Brandon) who treated me horribly, was embarrassed to be seen with me, and acted as if he owned me. He was a douche. Before all of this I would have said yes and jumped with joy at the thought of someone liking me. But now? I knew better. He didn't like me. He just liked my body. How did I know this you ask? I knew this because we were once friends until he started sending me gross emails and blowing up my phone with gross texts. He was cocky, rude, and bossy. I didn't need someone like that. I didn't need someone bossing me around acting as if he owned me. I wasn't anyone's property. I'm my own person. No one else. I am me. I do what I want, say what I want and like who I want. After rejecting him I was cussed at, told I was going to get beat up and more by his friends. Did I believe them? Sometimes yes. Did I care? Nope. I knew they wouldn't touch me because they knew who I was. They knew I didn't care.
Some called me a "snitch" or a "p****" but it's not like that. There's a difference between snitching on someone and reporting them. There's a difference between being a p**** and not taking anyone's crap. Never let someone hurt you in any way and never be scared to tell someone because you're afraid of being called a snitch or a pussy. You aren't a snitch, you're a survivor. Even if you lose sight of your feelings, boundaries, worth and self respect, if you fight you will come back stronger than before.
