Hate And Love

Don't Leave Me Again!

He is not dead but he is in a fatal condition. I am lost, I am shooting trees and animals. I notice dazai, I see him as an opponent and I go towards him cackling. I reach him and I stick my hand out to shoot at him. He grabs my hand and uses his nullification ability. My corruption subsides and I come to my senses. I try to figure out what is happening. I am looking up and not at dazai yet. "Is it over?" Dazai coughs up blood on my shoes. "Y-yah" I feel the blood hit my feet and I look at him. He is leaning against a tree covered in blood. My eyes widen in terror as I realize what happened. I can't speak. My vision blurs and I lose my balance. I fall to my knees. "W-what? Dazai you-I-I" Dazai just smiles at me softly. "You got rid of the enemy..." "but you-" Dazai interrupts "I am fine... it hurts but I'll be okay... I am happy now." My eyes start to fill with tears. "No! You can't! Stay here! I need you dazai!" I pull myself towards him and squeeze him tight, like if I hug him tight enough he will be okay. "Chuuya... it's okay" tears stream down my face. "No no no no! This is all my fault! I can't live without you dazai! Don't leave me again! I-I need to call someone!" I reach for my phone to call mori but dazai stops me. "It is too late, chuuya. No one can make it in time." "No! Let me call! I hate you! Let me call for help! Someone can help! What about that doctor girl Yosano! She can heal you!" "No, the agency is too far away, she won't be here in time." "Let me try!" "No, chuuya" "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! This is all my fault! I need to do something!" I snatch my phone and call the ADA. "Hello? I need Yosano right now!" Kunikida is on the other side. "Uh who is this and why do you need Yosano?" "I am Chuuya! Dazai! Dazai he is... help just do something! Send her now!" "Dazai is what?" "Dying! Because of me! Send her now!" "What? I will send her right now!" Dazai takes the phone. "There is no point. There is no time left for me." Kunikida answers "well we will send her anyway. You are important dazai" I take the phone back. "Be quick! He is bleeding!" I drop the phone and squeeze dazai tight. I cry into his chest. "I am sorry! I am sorry! I am sorry! This is all my fault!" Dazai is getting weak but he hugs me back. "It is not your fault, chuuya. You had no control over this." "I did! Dazai don't die! Please! I need you! If you die I won't be able to live with myself..." dazai hugs me as tight as he can. "Don't hate yourself. Hate me chuuya. Like you always have. Just keep hating me." "But I never actually hated you! I hate that you make fun of me and I hate that you don't care about your life and I hate that you left me but I never hated you. I just say that to convince myself that I do! Because it is easier than the reality!" Dazai looks shocked and he doesn't know what to say. "Really? Well what is the reality that is so hard to face?" "I-I can't admit it now! Not now! Not when you are..." dazai moves his hand and places it on the back of my head. I lift my head up to look at him. Tears are still streaming down my face. He moves his hand and cups it around my cheek. "It's okay chuuya. I will be okay." I cry harder. "But I won't! It was hard enough when you left the mafia but at least I knew you were out there! But now... now I am watching you die with my own eyes and it is my fault." "Chuuya listen to me. This is not your fault. Don't blame or hate yourself at all." "It is not that simple dazai..." "I know..." dazais hand loosens. He is getting really weak. I pull his hand back to my face. "Dazai! Hold on! Yosano is coming!" "I already told you it will be too late, chuuya." I put my face back into his chest and cry into him. Dazai strokes the back of my head softly. Dazai speaks weakly "I love you chuuya. I am so sorry that I am leaving you so early." My breath hitches at the words and I cry harder. "I-I love you too. I love you more than anything. Please don't leave me dazai." "I am sorry" I look at his face. He is crying. I don't think I have ever seen him cry. I never thought he would cry at his death. "Why are you crying dazai? Aren't you happy? You finally get to die like you have always wanted..." "all of a sudden... I don't want to die... I don't want to leave you alone in this cruel world like everyone has done for me." I place my forehead on his. "I don't want you to leave me ether" I kiss him. Dazai kisses back but not much because he is too weak. "Chuuya, don't give up okay? Don't become suicidal like me. Don't throw away your life. I love you" dazais hand falls from where it was on my head and he goes limp. "No no no no it can't end like this" I scream and cry. I cling to him so tight. Suddenly I feel the exhaustion of using corruption. "No no no I can't pass out. I need to help dazai!" I pass out clinging to dazais body with his one arm wrapped around me.

*time skip to a few hours later*

I wake up slowly. I start to remember what happened and I sit up quickly. "Dazai! Where is dazai!" My eyes flick around the room frantically. I hear a voice. "Woah don't sit up so fast." I look where it is coming from. It is Yosano. "Where is dazai! Is he okay!" I go back to looking around the room for him. "He um... he is not... he is dead... we didn't make it in time..." I freeze as reality sinks in and tears start to well up in my eyes. He is really gone... and it is my fault. "W-where is he..." Yosano hesitates for a second then says "um... he is in a bed in another room..." I look at her. "Take me to him." She looks worried. "You should stay in bed your body is-" I cut her off. "Take me to him now!" Yosano listens and takes me to him. He is cleaned up and his beautiful eyes are closed. I get closer to him and stare at his perfect face. I feel nothing for some reason. All of my emotion has just disappeared. I feel like an empty void of nothingness. I lean down and place a kiss on his once warm and soft but now, so very cold, lips. I put my forehead against his. "I love you, Osamu Dazai. I love you more than anything."