The Corrupted One

Chapter Two

Everything felt like a second the moment I turned 12 years old, it was pandemic and I was burying myself into my bed. My hair has grew longer, it was an annoyance for me. I can't even take care of my teeth, my breath stank and my hair was all tangled up and frizzy. It was hard to brush until I decided to chop my long hair.

I couldn't help but felt something, it was a slice of peace. My first emotion that I had felt, I began to get addicted to cut my hair. I cut and cut by using a pair of scissors until I looked like a boy. I stopped cutting until it started to reach my shoulders. I couldn't help it, it was the only way I can feel peace.

I put aside the pair of scissors, it was placed on my study desk and beside my notebook that I didn't touch. I noticed that the scissors were rusty yet still sharp. The end of it was pointy, I asked myself what if I stab it into my throat. But then my mother came in to check because she hadn't saw me walk out of my room for years. Then she goes back to where she was and closed the door.

I haven't been out for few years, I barely eat anything as I already lost my appetite and I only walked out of my room in midnight just to eat some instant noodles and drank carbohydrate drinks. I was malnourished as well, my brown skin turned to greyish tan. I can see my veins around my wrists. My room was filled with unwashed clothes, my panties and bra were lying down around the floor along with the empty can of drinks.

I couldn't feel any spark like any other child I have met. The last time I saw a child that my age was few years ago, she was quite beautiful and cheerful that she got all the love and attention I wanted. Here I am, completely the opposite. Ugly. Unhygienic. Unlove-able. Lazy. Dense. A burden.

I was so dense that I can't even tell which one is fruit and vegetable since when I was lost and locked in my own room by own self. All I did was crying, alone and rotted in my room as if it was my full time job. I didn't know anything beside bed, phone, numbers, books, pillows and bath exist as I was locked up in my room all day. I couldn't even tell the name of vegetables and fruits nor furnitures. I didn't know how to smile and laugh as well.

I was completely useless and hopeless, all I was depend on is the hand of life that was controlling over me instead of God. It was cold, there is no warmth. It is like hell, hell isn't just about burning. It is about suffering as well. Coldness is hell when it is too cold. Just the fire when it is too hot like hell. I didn't believe in God as well as knowledge His existence that time. I have no faith at all, all I did was being a sloth. I am worse than Judas, who is well known for betraying Jesus for 30 pieces of silver.

It was midnight, I didn't realize as I was zoning out for hours. I snapped out of it once my cat, Moe jumped on to my bed to lay herself down. She has the rights to sleep on my bed when the floor were covered with unwashed clothes, panties and bra along with the empty cans of carbohydrate drinks. It was clearly uncomfortable to sleep on there. Even my bed was a little bit dusty and dirty that it made my face went through break out.