Torin and Summer

Chapter 10 (Summer): I'll Wait

After I snuck back into my room, I thought about the conversation I'd just overheard. By accident, of course. What sort of creepy people had Torin worked for the last year? Who could try to guilt trip you with all of those mentions of for your country and push you into having sex with some awful woman in the hopes of gaining information? Like, he couldn't get any information from her in a year, they couldn't get any information from her in a year when Torin got her out of the house so they could plant bugs or whatever other James Bond shit they did, but sleeping with Bridgette was suddenly going to open the floodgates?

Thanks for the orgasm, Torin, really awesome. By the way, now that I'm boneless from some really good sex, I want to share with you that I'm a secret agent/spy/operative for some top secret agency and I'm trying to collect information on this, that and the other thing. Did you get all that or do I need to repeat anything?

I mean, seriously, Torin was incredible in bed, but was his dick magical enough to get someone to spill secret information?

Maybe? But I doubted it. Then I thought about him going there with Bridgette, but before I got very far in my thought process, he knocked on my door.

"What?" I snapped because I was grumpy now. Wasn't quite sure why.

The door eased open. "Sorry to bother you, Sum, but I was wondering what sounded good to you for dinner."

"I don't care. Anything, really."

Torin came into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. "What'd you think?"

"Of what?" I asked suspiciously because he was giving me the look my parents used to give me when I was little and they caught me with my hand in the cookie jar.

"Of the conversation you just overheard."

"I didn't hear anything --"

With a smile, he shook his head. "Summer, you may think you're stealthy but let me assure you...you're not."

"I was in here --"

"You're also a terrible liar. You were in the hall, right outside the opening to the living room. One more inch and Dumb and Dumber would have seen you, too."

"Well, I heard voices and I wanted to make sure it wasn't Bridgette and your son again."

"No worries there," he said. And at the time, he believed it. "And you know damn well he's not my son and the only time he's ever called me that was the day he and Bridgette invaded our home. I'd bet money Bridgette put him up to it, too."

"So why would you work with people like that? Why would you let them lie to you all the time so that you had to lie to me all the time?"

"Poor choices. That's the bottom line. You get in this mindset of serving and when it's suddenly taken from you after so many years, you're kind of lost as you try adjusting to no longer being in the military. When you get a chance to serve as a civilian, that's kind of like a lifeline when you're fumbling around trying to figure out what to do next, how to fill that need. No lie, the transition back to civilian life is rough. I thought I could still help serve in some capacity, put my skills to use because gathering information was something I was good at, and I thought I could make a difference even though I was a civilian." He paused and shook his head in disgust. "And putting everything that's been in my head into words, I realize how fucking pathetic I am."

Well, I wasn't going to disagree with that.

"I don't know if they were lying to me or if they really thought I'd be able to get something from Bridgette, but it got really frustrating and I took it out on you. You were calling me out on my behavior and my attitude, rightly so, and the things I was saying to try to get you to back off were awful. I couldn't tell you why I was spending so much time with Elijah and Bridgette, and I should have. I should have and I'm sorry, Summer."

"You were like someone I didn't know, Torin. This past year, you weren't the man I married."

"No, I wasn't. I even felt like I became someone I didn't know or like. My frustration was growing every week and that translated to taking it out on you like I never should have. I'd see your eyes when I came home, and I'd see how I was hurting you, and that made me angrier at myself and you'd unfairly bear the brunt of it."

"I did. I wondered if you were having an affair with her."

"I wasn't. Never crossed my mind because you're the only woman I see like that. You always have been since I met you. No matter what else I did wrong, I didn't cheat on you."

"What did you talk to her about? Did you ever talk about me, about how difficult and crazy I was being?"

"Oh, hell no. I would never have talked about you, about us. Nothing personal with her, ever. I kept it Elijah focused and if she tried to veer off from that, I'd put it right back on him. Sports, plays, school."

"And how long would it have gone on, Torin? If I hadn't gotten sick?"

"I don't know if you remember, but I told you the answer to that before, and it was I don't have a good answer for that. I know when Bridgette showed me your Instagram account, with that picture of you in the hospital, it hit me hard because there it all was, in one picture. My crimes right there for me to see. I was on the job while you needed me, and I let you down. No other way to say it; no way to pretty it up. And as I ran out of there, I knew I was done with the spy business."

His breathing was harsh.

"Sometimes, you need to be shaken out of your complacency, and that's what your appendectomy was for me, unfortunately. It took something that serious to make me realize I should have said enough much sooner. But you being in the hospital was me being taken by the shoulders and shaken until my head almost snapped off. I hate that answer, but I'm done lying to you and it's the truth."

"You took me for granted."

"I did. I despise myself for that. I hate all the ways I hurt you, Summer. You tend to take the people you love for granted, and it's fucking sad, but it's also true, and I was guilty as hell of that particular crime too many times to count. I can't say sorry enough, but apologies won't do a damn thing to lessen your pain or take away every single shitty thing I've said and done."

"There's an unbelievable amount of pain you caused."

"I wish I'd stopped this before I hurt you. I wish I'd just accepted I was done with my service years and gotten on with my life, where you and I were happy and living our lives the right way because I hadn't made some shitty-ass choices based on what I needed rather than what we needed. I let you down by not being there for you. You needed me to be a good husband, and I wasn't even close."

"Well, that's one thing we can agree on," she said with absolutely no humor whatsoever. 

"We can definitely agree I wasn't a good husband. A good husband would have been there for you instead of for some agency who said I could still serve our country. By buying into that, by making that the priority, I failed you and hurt you."

"I'm not sure where that leaves us, Torin."

"It leaves me trying to show you that I won't ever treat you like this again. It leaves me trying to make up for every last sin I committed against you. It leaves me hoping you'll give me the chance to show you I'm still the man you fell in love with, and I'm back on the right path. It leaves me with a sick feeling inside because of the pain I've given you. It leaves me waiting for you to decide if we move forward and I'm willing to wait as long as I need to for you. I'll wait forever for you, Summer."