What do you want from me?

Chapter 2 *edited*

Kai looks up as he listens to the announcement throughout the airport. Then he looks back down at me. "Bells, that's our plane. We should go. You can tell me all about it on the flight."

I nod my head and stand up, clutching my purse and carry-on. As I followed him through the airport, I dried my tears and tried to look like less of a mess. Once we were settled in our seats, I rested my head in my hands again. 

Kai looked into my eyes. "Bells, tell me what happened."

"I...I don't even really know. All of a sudden, she started avoiding me. I mean, she hasn't really wanted to hangout since September...but I just chose not to think about it. When we saw each other, things seemed normal. Like at our winter retreat a month ago at the beginning of January. But then she started seeming....dry. Like she didn't really care what I had to say or what was going on in my life. 

And then at soccer one day, she almost completely avoided me. I didn't know what happened. And she continued being dry so then I consulted a friend who told me she might just being going through stuff so maybe ask her if there's anything wrong and be there for her. So I asked her three different ways if there was anything wrong, and she said no. So I let it go. 

And then the next day I consulted another friend and decided to just ask Cece if I did anything wrong. So I asked her if she was upset with me and she said no. And then I asked her then why did I feel like she was avoiding me and she said she wasn't sure. Which annoyed me because that's ridiculous. And THEN we started discussing it and we argued a little bit and she still insisted she wasn't upset at me, she just had things she wanted to work through. Which also frustrated me because that means she lied to me when she said there was nothing wrong and she said she didn't saying anything because she didn't want to talk about it and I'd want her to talk about it and I'd just have to live with the fact that she doesn't like to talk about things. And THAT...ugh I don't know what she was thinking. Yeah I want her to talk about things, but only because I don't want her to go through it alone. And either way, I've neverrr tried to force her to talk about it and have always respected her decision, so I don't know what that was about. Anyway, I just decided to let it go and I told her I'd give her space until she figured out whatever she needed to figure out. And she was like 'okay.'"

"Well that doesn't seem so bad. Even though it's frustrating," Kai said.

"Kai, I wish that's where it ended. That's not even half of it." I hung my head.

"Continue then. I'm right here." He rubbed my back.

I sighed. "So then we didn't talk for more than a week. The day after our argument, I started texting her boyfriend to plan a surprise birthday party for her. And at one point, he asked if anything was wrong between Cece and I because she'd seemed off. I told him what happened and mentioned that she hadn't come to soccer that night and he said it's because she didn't want to deal with drama and I was like 'oh great, so she is avoiding me.' And then he asked what exactly we argued about. So I told him. And then I started discussing it all with him. He told me why Cece was actually upset at me, which was so nice because she never told me. That really helped. And he helped me figure out what to say to her-"

"Wait, why was she upset with you?"

"It's such a long story. He said (and later she confirmed) that essentially she thinks I have too high expectations of her as her best friend and an extrovert and I try to control her and she's afraid I'll get mad at her and all this stuff. And frankly, I don't even completely understand because I don't know what she thinks I expect from her and I'd neverrrr get mad at her. But....yeah. So she told me that only AFTER her boyfriend helped me figure out the right questions to ask her. And I apologized, and asked her if she wanted to be friends again. And she said yes. I asked her again to make sure and she said she was, but..."

"But what? Isn't that a good thing?" Kai looked at me quizzically.

"I mean...yeah...but her boyfriend questioned her sincerity and so did I because she's in a habit of not telling me the truth for fear of upsetting me. And then when I saw her at soccer a day or two later, she acted like she hated me. And when I mentioned it to her boyfriend, he was like 'yeah I kinda figured she didn't really want to be friends again. I didn't know for sure, but after that I think she really doesn't want to be and I don't know if you'll be able to get her to tell you the truth so maybe just leave it be the way it's going to be.'" 

A few tears spilled onto my cheeks as I began to cry again and Kai wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "Aw Bells, I'm so sorry."