What do you want from me?

Chapter 3

"Kai, she's gone. I've lost her. I've lost my best friend, and the only person that understands me." I began to cry harder. "She made the cutest cake for her boyfriend's birthday. I was going to do that! I was planning a surprise birthday for her! I . . . I. Don't. Understand. She seems so happy without me. Like she doesn't miss me or care, at all. I miss her so much! I feel so dumb! I'm such an idiot!"

Kai looked at me sadly. "You're not an idiot, Bells. It's not your fault."

"But it IS my fault! I upset her! I loved her too much! Or . . . I don't even know . . . whatever the fuck she didn't like. And I didn't notice anything was wrong until it was too late!" 

"That's her fault, Bells, not yours."

"But-"

"No buts. She could have told you she was upset with you."

I sigh deeply. "Yeah . . . I know. But that makes it even worse."

"How?"

"Because then it means she didn't even care. She didn't say anything was wrong until after I noticed and forced it out of her. She didn't care at all if our friendship died. Do you know how much that hurts, Kai?" I sobbed. "How is this happening to me?! Again!"

"I'm so sorry, Bells."

"I don't understand. I don't understand what she's thinking. Sometimes she's so nice. Like there was this one guy last week that reached out to me and he was a total jerk. He made me so uncomfortable. And she made me listen to her at soccer and shook my shoulders to make me look at her and convinced me that he was a jerk and threatened to kill him and all this and then she took my phone and sent him this long ass text and SAID I WAS HER BEST FRIEND and told him to fuck off.

And she even made me tell him off again later. And warned me about me about being careful at college because SHE CARED. She said she cared!

But the next day at soccer. I was sad and she noticed and asked about it and I tried to deny it . . . but she forced it out of me and I said I missed her but was happy that she was content without me, etc. and she was just like 'whatever' and didn't care! And when I thanked her for making me tell that guy off, she was like 'Yeah I'm batman. Just protecting citizens. Glad I could help.' Like what the fuck, Kai?! Do I mean nothing to her? I'm just another citizen?! I don't understand, Kai! I just don't get it! Does she care or not?!"

Kai looked at me sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Bells. I understand that. That's super frustrating. I wish I could help."

"Me too." I leaned on his shoulder and cried harder.