Love Diaries ♡ | ♥♥ KIM TAEHYUNG ♥♥

Finding my first love 💖

FINDING MY FIRST LOVE

It was a misty morning just like my misty heart. I have lost the hope of living but I'm not even courageous enough to take my own life.

WARNING GUYS!
Committing s*icide is a crime and is not a solution for your problems.

For the first time in my life I've felt this vulnerable. Today I got to know my parents are not my real parents and my biological parents denied to the fact that I am their daughter because they think I brought bad luck to them. I can't help but wonder if I'm really one because even my foster parents are facing loss in their business and it's all because they took loan for my studies and yet I'm a failure in everything. My life is failing me. My foster parents must have expected a lot from me when they had adopted me but here I am, I created a blunder for them. I'm a mess for them. I brought the mess to them and I should only clear this mess. Yes! I quickly went to my secret comfort place where I pour my all emotions. I went there. It was an old temple which is rarely visited. The temple is kinda abandoned after it's last monk died few years back. But ever since then this place has become a common place for kids as a playing area in the daytime. In the night, no one visits it as someone has spread a weird rumor that the monk's spirit disturbs the people who visit it at night to keep the sanity of the place. Pretty weird rumor but people actually believe it. But that gave me a great opportunity to spend time with myself. Perhaps no one knows that this place can be a secret hideout at night as well.

I sat down and started crying suddenly I heard a voice and I stopped crying. It scared me because for a second I thought that it was the same monk ghost. But it turned out to be a boy. I couldn't see his face because of darkness. But he had a deep voice which soothed me, gave me peace and provided me calmness with his words. He comforted me and gave me motivation to live. He gave full attention to the essay of my life and listened to it patiently. I told him how I have no friends, how I'm weak at academics and sports and that I was adopted... I said literally everything about me except my name. I know it's not convenient to share our personal details to any stranger but the moment he comforted me I already embraced him in my heart and my heart believed him, trusted him enough that I could tell him all these. For the first time in my life I felt the feeling of love. Love is a strong word to describe at the first encounter but yeah I indeed fell in love with him. Talking to him I realised how selfish I was to only think about myself and to even bring this thought in my mind to kill myself without thinking about my parents who took care of me when my real parents abandoned me. I still hated myself but he told me that I can start to love myself once I start accepting myself.

Since that day I decided to be strong for myself and do what my parents want me to do and become, a successful and good human being. They still do not know I got to know that I am not their child but I won't tell them. I don't want them to get hurt. I don't care about it anymore because for me they are my real parents.

FLASHBACK ✨

That day I was searching for a document for my admission in university in my parents' cupboard and they weren't home from 2 days as they were busy due to business work. But what I found out shooked me. It was my adoption papers along with a diary. At first, I read the diary and got to know about me being adopted and along with the diary I found out the adoption papers. I cried miserably. They kept it a secret. I felt betrayed but I can understand them. Perhaps they also do not want me to get hurt and I respect them. But I lost my mind that time and thought to end myself if it wasn't for that boy.

BACK TO REALITY

So it's been days now and I always go their hoping to meet the boy again and yeah he did came back after 2 days and since then we decided to meet always at that time until I had to leave for university. It was always night time whenever we met so I could never see his face. For some good reason, we decided to meet each other again after I become a successful person. It was our last day of meeting and he told me his name Kim Taehyung. He is such a mysterious boy. He is of my age as well and yet so matured and daring. He told few stories of his life as well but they were all lively and funny. I never got to know him better and I could never confessed to him because I was still a coward afterall. Somewhere I hoped him to like me back but who would like a person like me? So I never dared to confess...

Let's see from Tae's POV:

I was searching for some inspiration for my new school project and I decided to visit this temple near my school at night as I get more ideas in the darkness and probably this place was peaceful at night to get some idea. But I was really surprised to hear someone crying. It was a girl's voice. I couldn't bear anyone crying and so I decided to comfort her. She told me everything about her and her life. I found her as my inspiration of my project as well as of my life the moment she told about her. I found her so brave. I don't understand the girl who beared so much at school and found out that her parents never wanted her and yet she reached until this stage of life and is still growing is commendable and impressive. I made her understand her worth and told her how strong she is. Maybe this helped her to divert her mind from the suicidal thoughts. I know suicide is committed by cowards but for me she is even stronger to even being a coward for committing that that she didn't dare to do that. Because people do not realise that people do not even think twice when they have to kill themselves but she thought and she cared about her family and valued her life even if little bit. So I made her understand that. I know it'll take her some time to realise everything but she will. After that I was curious to meet her again but I got busy with project but I went there again after 2 days. We started meeting often until the day came when she had to leave for her university. We promised each other to meet again after graduation. We decided to meet on Christmas after 4 years. I didn't knew her name and I realised that after she left. How foolish I was to even not know the name of the girl I fell in love with.

Meet y'all in the next part! 💘