Torn

Chapter Four

When I awoke the next morning, my hair was clinging to my forehead and the back of my neck. The musk of last night entwined with the scent of damp grass hung poignantly in the air. Condensation clung to the skin of the tent, a sign of just how cold the outside world must be. The light was still weak and I guessed it was probably still early. It couldn't be much later than about 7am. I wanted to check but had no idea where my phone had been abandoned after the events of last night.

Hope was sprawled out across the middle of the tent on her stomach with the sleeping bag beneath her. She was completely naked. Her eyelids fluttered lightly as I skimmed one solitary finger down to the base of her spine and over the curve of her bottom. Now I was awake I realised just how cramped this little tent was. There wasn't even room to move, let alone to stand. I wanted to search for my phone but dare not disturb Hope. This moment was too perfect to break. 

The morning chill set in very rapidly and I soon found myself trembling. I cautiously tugged my leggings back on and threw my oversized jumper over my head. Sadly neither did much in way of warming me up and I continued to shake. Huddled in a ball, I wrapped my arms tight around my legs, desperate to keep every ounce of warmth in. I wanted Hope to wake up. To keep me company and protect me, just like I had done for her. I missed my bed. The warmth and sanctuary of my home seemed so far away right now. I promised I would stay with Hope though. I would not let her be alone, but right now I couldn't feel more lonely if I tried.

I heard a phone buzz. It seemed to be coming from the wall of the tent itself. I realised there was a pocket attached to the inner lining and realised I must have stashed my phone safely in there last night. Maybe not so safe considering the amount of condensation that had broke through into the tent, but oh well. Act now and think about the consequences later seemed to have been my motto for last night. I couldn't believe what had happened. I had vowed never to get close to anyone again. Not after Laura.

Hope moaned slightly in her sleep and twisted over on to her back, exposing her bare chest. The morning chill had clearly taken over her too as her nipples stood firm and erect. Either that or she was having a rather pleasurable dream. I ran my thumb gently across Hope's cheekbone and over her slightly parted pink lips. Her eyelids fluttered again in response. I paused, hovering just above her skin, praying that she wouldn't wake. A quick glance at Hope's uncovered chest verified that her breathing was still regular and deep. She was still asleep, blissfully unaware of the cold, damp tent in which she lay. In fact, she probably couldn't remember anything from last night. She was going to wake up, expecting to be safe at home in her bed. She would be able to look over and see her playful black kitten chasing a dust ball on the floor, before extracting herself from the warm duvet to make a morning cup of coffee. Instead, she was stuck here with me, a girl she barely knew. No electricity. No warmth. No coffee. Just a crappy field, in the middle of a town she had never been to before.

I stopped feeling sorry for myself pretty quickly. However tough this was for me. I knew Hope had it ten times worse. My home was within walking distance, just waiting to welcome me home. Hers lie miles away, and I knew there was very little chance of talking her into going back. As worry and dread set in, I quickly forgot about how cold I was. I had no idea what to do. Why was it always me that ended up having to be the sensible one and look after everyone else? Despite Hope being the elder of the two of us, sometimes she reminded me of a naive, petulant teenager. She could get on a train and go home right now. I know her family miss her and want her back, but she's too damn stubborn, so I get stuck with the trouble instead. I just wish she would think her actions through and realise that her crazy plans are no more than empty threats and wild dreams. 

As frustrated as I was, I just couldn't let Hope go. I wouldn't let Hope go. Since Laura, I hadn't felt anything. Nothing excited me any more. Nothing made me want to get out of bed each morning. All  I needed was Hope; something that had been rare since me and Laura had parted. I wish I knew how Laura managed it. Whatever the situation, somehow she always managed to sneak into my mind. I bet she didn't spend hours each day thinking about me; wondering what I was doing or what I was wearing. I'm pathetic. I wish I didn't get attached so easily, but that's just a part of who I am. I have this tendency to latch onto certain individuals. Sometimes it's completely subconscious and almost instant. I can't explain how or why,  it just happens and it's just something that is. That's how it was with Laura. I knew from the moment those mossy green eyes forged into mine.