Letter (1)
I don't know who will get this letter, but I m writing this so that when I m gone. That person can understand my pain, and atleast think about me, so that I can get a good life after I m dead.
Writing this letter is making me anxious, because the moment, I will complete writing my 5 letters, I will be gone. I never thought of myself. I was always thinking about others. I had know one who loved me truly. Recently my bestfriend; Aditi. Started blaming me that I was the reason his boyfriend broke up with me. It was so heartbreaking, when your bestfriend since diapers, talks shits about you. I always thought her as a friend who will be beside me in any struggle of my life. But she was the reason of my main struggle. When his boyfriend broke up with her, she blamed me. But that was not enough. She edited photos of mine with other girls. And started the rumour that I r@- her, and also I did this with other girls also. My friends mayank, Tilak all broke up with me. Teachers started to act up on me. And all I could do was to watch her smirking on me. I couldn't share all this with anyone, it was very tough for me. But I was glad for one thing that she didn't rumoured all this to my parents atleast, because they would never understand. They would think that I really did that kind of act.
It was just the 1st reason.
-Ishan
Letter (2)
I got a boyfriend; his name is shubman. He is quite famous so I never in my life thought he could be gay. I actually admired him. A lot since I saw him, but never got the courage to tell my feelings, offcourse cause I m a closet gay. No one knows about me being gay. I was glad though, because I have saw people bullying other kids because they were gay.
I thought i was just an admirer of shubman but, I think I started to fall for him as day passed. He seemed genuine. But after couple of months I started getting looks from other people's in the college. After some days I got to knew, shubman said to everyone that I m gay and also I wanted to kiss him. What a loser. I asked him why he did this, but the answer I got broke me, he was just completing a dare of his. The person i genuinely started to like was just Playing with me. Offcourse I m an idiot how did I forgot that he is the most popular guy. First i didn't had any friends now no one wanted to be my friend. Things really got worse, my locker started to get filled with nasty notes. Though I was not physically bullied which I was glad about. But still the things they said to be and the looks they gave was enough for me to make this my 2nd reason.
-Ishan
Letter (3)
With all the things going with me in school, i couldn't focus in my studies. I was actually quite of a good student. So as my marks detoriated, my parents noticed it and started to yell at me, beat me. Now i didn't had anywhere to go, I go to school I got nasty looks. I come home I get yelled out. And to make it more worse i didn't had any friends, which means no one to share.
I started to cut my wrists out of frustration. Guess it already started. I wanted to end it all here but somewhat i convinced myself to stay a Lil stronger and give myself a 2nd chance. But things got worse. I started to get panic attacks, and from all this going now I really didn't wanted to die, I just wanted to restart my life. I actually wanted to live. So one day I finally decided to come out in front of my parents, and convince them to get me a therapist. But instead they locked me in the corner of a room. They beat me, shouted at me. Told me to just die. Told me I was a sin. Come to think now I may not be able to write my 4th and 5th letter. Because all this pain is just too much for me. To whoever will read this, thank you for reading my pain, I wish you a happy life. Atleast not a life like mine.
-Ishan
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Ib: 13 reasons why ( a Netflix series )
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