Loving Her is Red

Forty Eight

YOUR POV

Retiring isn't the answer. She loves her job.

- y/n : You can't retire, your job makes you happy, gives you purpose

- Natasha : I'm willing to give it up, for you

- y/n : You can't do everything for me

- Natasha : It would be for our family. For you, me and the kids. I want to do this if it means I won't lose you

- y/n : Nat

- Natasha : Y/n

What do I even say to that? She's willing to give up her job to save our relationship, the thing that saved her, bought us together.

- Natasha : Look please. I'm begging you

- Ivy : Mom, Mama, come inside it's raining and you'll get ill

- y/n : I should go

- Ivy : Mom stop being stubborn and come inside. The car is stuck, if you're still holding a grudge like a child you can leave tomorrow

- Natasha : Just come inside

- y/n : You should be in the shower Ivy

- Ivy : I showered earlier

- Natasha : She did. Their shower is broken, she had to use ours

- y/n : Yours

- Natasha : Ours

- Ivy : You argue more than me and Charlie. Just get inside, I want to go to bed

Sofa, I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. I can't make the same mistake I did last night. It wouldn't be fair on either of us.

- Ivy : Can you please sit down and talk things out? I want my Mom's together, Danny and PJ deserve to have the childhood I had. Mom's together, family parties, BBQ's every weekend in summer. Just please, for the love of Loki, work things out

- Natasha : Who taught you that one?

- Ivy : Loki, either way, it doesn't matter. Just work it out. Goodnight

- y/n : Night Ives

- Natasha : Goodnight

She killed herself, she did it for me, she wants to retire, for me, everything she does is for me, she needs to live for her.

- Natasha : I need us, I want to learn to appreciate my life with you next to me

- y/n : I can't be your reason for everything, it's your life, you can't revolve around me

- Natasha : Okay

- y/n : I love you so much but I can't be the reason you kill yourself, or the reason you self sabotage. You need help, professional help, I can't even start to consider an "us" if there is no you

- Natasha : Mhm

It'll be hard to hear but I need to let Natasha express how she feels.

- y/n : You're allowed to talk, say your feelings

- Natasha : It was terrifying, falling. I was going so fast and so far, every second felt like forever after letting go because I knew I couldn't reverse things, I knew I'd never get to see you again, hold you again. I've never felt so much fear in my life, not even in the Red Room. All I could think about was the grief consuming you and the kids losing both their Mom's. It gives me nightmares

- y/n : Nat

- Natasha : I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing

- y/n : Come here

I can't help but hold her while she's crying. She's in as much pain as me. She put herself in a situation thinking she would never see anyone again, thinking  her last words would be "It's Okay"

- y/n : What can I do?

- Natasha : Hold me

- y/n : Always. Always, always. You never have to ask. Even if we can never work through this thing I know we'll learn to eventually be friends

- Natasha : I'll never learn to unlove you. It's like my soul is on fire. Everything is so red and vibrant with you

- y/n : Thank you for making my life worth living

- Natasha : Thank you for making me realise I had a purpose

Maybe this isn't the end of everything.

IVY'S POV

They just needed a little push, that push being me. Mom stayed again last night, on the couch but Mama slept on the couch too. They were cuddled up, it was kinda cute.

- y/n : Guys, we need to have a family talk

- Charlie : Yeah?

- y/n : Me and Mama are going to try at this again, our relationship. It's going to be hard, we're going to argue and you guys are going to see and hear it. Healthy relationships include arguing but we are never going to ask you to pick sides. If it gets too much then let us know, this is new for all of us. We want to include you all in making this family whole again

- PJ : Kaiya

- Natasha : And we're all going to see someone about the people we've lost. None of us have had time to process the loss of Kaiya and the blip, we're going to talk it through

That's reasonable, it feels like someone is missing all the time. I have the constant fear that everyone I love is going to disappear on me.

- y/n : I love you all so much

- Charlie : Group hug?

- Natasha : Come on then. Come on Ives, you too, you're part of this family

- Ivy : Ow, you're stepping on my foot Danny

- Daniel : Sorry Ivy

Maybe there's hope for this family after all.

Authors Note
If you can't tell, I'm
wrapping things up.
Have a drink and
a snack please