Fake Monkees Episodes #2: Salty Air, Sand, and Monkees

Salty Air, Sand, and Monkees Part 1

A familiar musical cue plays as we open on a serene day at the pad. Peter is sat on the ground leaning against the sofa with his eyes closed, casually strumming a banjo and humming a non-specific tune. Micky is lying lazily on the sofa and reading a comic book. Davy is leaning casually against the kitchen countertop flipping through some letters covered in different shades of lipstick kisses. Mike is leaning back at the kitchen table with his legs crossed and his boots kicked up onto the chair across from him. He is holding a beat-up composition notebook in his left hand. His other hand is holding a pencil up to his mouth, where he is casually knawing on the end, seemingly lost in thought.

Peter pauses his playing and sighs contentedly. "Hey, Michael.." he calls.

"Hmm?" Mike responds, still lost in thought.

"Are you chewing on your pencil again?" asks Peter, his eyes still closed.

"Uh...No" Mike says as he lowers the pencil from his mouth with his face full of guilt.

Peter rises from the floor and sets his banjo in the case on the bandstand. He walks to the large windows and peers out to the beach. A smile grows on his face as he watches the people below. He sees several children splashing about in the water, a mother making a sandcastle with her two sons, a few girls sunbathing, and a spirited game of beach volleyball between 8 boys, all around their early twenties.

"Hey, fellas! Check it out! The Four Martians are playing volleyball against the Foreign Agents! We should head down and check it out!" he calls to the other Monkees.

Davy sets the letters down on the kitchen table and walks towards the window where Peter is. Micky excitedly rolls off the couch, landing with a rather ungraceful thump. He stands and sets his comic book on the sofa before joining Peter and Davy at the window. Micky and Davy make general statements of agreement with Peter's idea. They all turn towards Mike with hopeful looks.

Mike sighed in a long and dramatic fashion. He pursed his lips and drummed his fingers on the kitchen table. After a moment he says "Alright, we can all go down to the beach but only if you all promise to rehearse double tomorrow!"

A series of whoops and cheers ring out as the boys each excitedly run off to get their beach supplies ready. Mike notably stays put in his chair with his feet kicked up. The scene cuts with a musical cue.

The new scene begins as Peter and Davy return to the living room from their bedroom. Each of them is in swim trunks and they're holding colorful beach towels. Peter has a large pair of green snorkeling goggles on his head and the snorkel dangles to the right of his face. He is also wearing a pair of flippers which slap loudly as he walks. The size of his footwear forces him to walk with an unusual waddle to avoid tripping. Davy is holding an inflated beachball under his right arm and Peter is lightly holding on to his left elbow for support.

"Are you guys ready?" Micky asks as he slides down the railing of the spiral staircase. He is also now wearing a pair of swim trunks. In his arms, he is holding a colorful beach towel and several pool noodles of different colors.

"Alrighty, let's head out," says Mike as he stands from the kitchen table. The other Monkees pause a moment in confusion.

"Aren't you gonna get changed?" asks Davy.

"Naw, I'm just gonna stick to the beach today. I don' feel like getting all salty today," replies Mike as he heads toward the back door to the deck.

As the other boys follow Mike out the back door and down the stairs to the beach they allow Mike to gain a bit of distance between him and the group. They eye him suspiciously. Mike looks rather out of place in his worn-down jeans, fringed cowboy boots, wool hat, and long-sleeved fleece left unbuttoned over a t-shirt as he walks across the sand.

"Does Mike even like the ocean? We live in a beach house in Malibu, it would be crazy if he doesn't, right?" Micky asks Peter and Davy.

"Of course he does!" replies Peter "We all go to the beach together all the time! He loves making sandcastles with me, and he's the best beach volleyball player of any of us."

"Woah now, I don't know if I'd go that far..." Davy retorts. "But yeah, he's on the beach all the time, he must like it."

"Well yeah, I know he likes the beach, but I meant the ocean. Like does he like swimming?" says Micky.

"Sure he does! Mike goes into the water with me to find seashells and count the hermit crabs," says Peter. "Our record is 42." Peter smiles brightly at this.

"And he plays chicken with us too. You know, it's usually you and Pete versus Mike and I. It wouldn't work otherwise," says Davy.

"Hmm. But Mike's always the one holding you up, right?" asks Micky.

"Well, Yeah. If this is some kinda short joke, I'll thump ya." Davy says while gesturing his fists towards Micky.

"No, No, It's not that," Micky says while putting his hands up in a mock surrender. "Nevermind. It doesn't matter anyway."

As Micky finishes speaking, the group arrives at their favorite spot on the beach where Mike is already setting up a large multi-colored umbrella. The boys set down their supplies and head toward the volleyball net.

"Hey, Fellas!" Peter waves enthusiastically towards the volleyball players. "Mind if we join?"

"Not at all! We could use some substitutes!" one of the players calls back. Peter continues walking towards the volleyball net with a smile on his face while the other three Monkees pause and look at one another.

Davy leans in and quietly says to Mike and Micky "I thought Peter said the Four Martians and the Foreign Agents were playing? These are just random guys."

"Maybe we should just go with it?" Micky suggests.

"I guess they seem nice enough," Mike says as they turn back toward the volleyball net.

"Of course they're nice Mike, what are you guys talking about?" Peter asks as he suddenly appears behind the three boys. The Monkees all jump in surprise and yelp, including Peter.

"It's the Four Martians and the Foreign Agents, we've played plenty of gigs together. What's the trouble?" Peter asks.

Mike, Micky, and Davy take a moment to examine the players.

"He's right! It is them!" says Davy. "I've never seen the foreign agents without their suits before."

"I've never seen the Four Martians without their space suits," says Mike

"I didn't know the foreign agents could take their sunglasses off! I thought they were like surgically attached or something! We've played gigs in dark clubs at night and they NEVER took them off, but now at the beach in the middle of the day, they do? How does that make any sense?!?" says Micky.

"One word man," says Peter "Branding."

The scene cuts as the theme song begins to play.