HALF HER DEEN

15. 𝑺𝒐 𝒉𝒐𝒘'𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝑴𝒓𝒔 𝑴𝒖𝒔𝒂?

It's been an odd few days, the emotional distance between Hassan and me that initially seemed like mere paranoia has steadily grown.

Hassan's behavior has taken a turn for the worst . It all started with the first cancellation, and since then, it's been a cascade of impromptu online business meetings in France that he couldn't afford to miss. Each day, he would leave early, returning late at night when I was usually fast asleep.

Under normal circumstances, I could understand his CEO responsibilities and the demands of leading a company. However, it's the emotional detachment that leaves a sinking feeling within me.

During the limited times I see Hassan, he barely acknowledges me. Even during our Fajr prayers, he seems tense, taking unusually long as if he wants to push off being ready in order to not see me. Even attempts to engage in conversation result in one or two-word responses before he claims he has to leave.

What was supposed to be a honeymoon has quickly turned from the best days of my life to the worst. Questions swirl in my mind – did expressing my love too soon create this distance? He reciprocated with genuine happiness, so what has changed? Where did we go wrong?

This week has been an emotional rollercoaster, nights filled with tears and a constant sense of hurt. Questions linger – what did I do wrong? Is this a trial from Allah, my test on this earth? I deliberately avoided relationships before marriage to escape heartbreak, but am I destined to experience it anyway? What was the point of my efforts then?

My thoughts are interrupted by the intercom, shifting my focus as it goes on.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. On behalf of the entire flight crew, I'd like to welcome you aboard AirFrance flight AF123. We are thrilled to have you with us today. We're currently preparing for takeoff, so we kindly ask you to fasten your seatbelts and ensure your seatbacks and tray tables are in the upright position. The weather conditions look promising for our flight, and we anticipate a smooth journey. Thank you for choosing AirFrance, and we wish you a pleasant and enjoyable journey with us today."

Our one week honeymoon was finally over and even though at the beginning I didn't want to leave, I was actually happy to leave this place that had me feeling all alone and crying myself to sleep. Alhamdulilah for the experience but I'm ready to go home.

I discreetly looked at Hassan yet again, and each time, my heart clenched at the sight before me. If there was any solace to be found in how differently Hassan was treating me, it was reflected in the weariness etched across his face that showed not only I was being affected by this distance between us.

Hassan appeared utterly drained, marked by dark bags under his eyes, an aura of exhaustion enveloped him. Despite my genuine concern, I knew attempting to ask him what was wrong would be; he would just dismiss it.

As the plane started its gradual movement on the runway, panic seized me, making me squeeze my eyes shut and clutch my seat tightly. The fear of flying, despite having experienced it already, was still a nerve-wracking experience for me.

In the midst of my panic, I began counting to ten when suddenly, a warm, large hand covered mine. Without needing to open my eyes, I recognized the comforting touch instantly. How I had missed Hassan's presence these past few days – his touch, a reassuring balm that I yearned for in this moment.

A tear slid down my left eye, and I relished in the feeling of my hassan holding my hand. I closed my other hand around his, squeezing it, and he squeezed back as we sat there in silence.

I however couldn't shake the odd contrast in Hassan's behavior. His hand held mine, a gesture that brought comfort, yet it felt disconnected from the distance he kept throughout our honeymoon.