Not a Reunion

Chapter 41

Mason

I couldn't take it anymore.

I didn't know what to do most of the time. I didn't know how to address the situation with Thea. I knew that I wanted to, though. I knew that I desperately wanted to talk to Thea about what had happened between us.

Because when I had her first night, it made me ache in a way that I hadn't felt after. I had lost her six years ago. Then, when I came back here, I thought I had lost her forever. She had been engaged when I saw her again, so I didn't make my move. I didn't say anything. I was content with not speaking to her about what had happened because I didn't think I would have a chance with her.

I have a chance with her now.

I knew that I couldn't automatically open up my heart to the idea of her, but I did. As soon as I heard that she wasn't engaged anymore, my heart betrayed me, and I thought of one thing. I had another chance. I knew that should have been the last thing on my mind, but I was selfish. I had lost her for six years, had come back, and thought that I could not have her at all. But then there was an opening, and I knew that I could swoop in and try.

I could try to build something with her again.

I didn't think it was far-fetched because there were a lot of more moments between us in which I thought there could be something. When Thea had let me come to her house with her for a full extended weekend, when she let me stay in her room instead of pushing me away and forcing me to sleep in my own house, I had a lot of moments in between us where, as a selfish man who knew the woman was engaged, I thought I could have a chance.

She had been welcoming me and letting me take care of her siblings. When she had been okay with me seeing her during that time period, I could see that she was feeling so much within that time, but she hadn't hidden herself from me. That isn't something I shouldn't be super happy about, but there was a part of me that believed it was a good thing.

I think about how she had been with me when I went to see my parents. I think about how it was her who had been the one to push me into doing that. I think about how both of us have been there for each other without even having to add up our pasts and how we fell apart. It was as if there was something stronger in between us that was working to reunite us.

When I think about how, in her toughest dreams, she held onto my hand and never let go, I think about how her unconscious self was comfortable with me. I think about how it was my hand alone that could calm her when she was trashing and screaming in her dream.

That had to mean something—those memories that we share had to mean something bigger than just playing nice with each other.

Or maybe I was a man who thought he had finally gotten another chance with a girl.

I had another chance, and I should have used it wisely. But then I think about how the fact that we slept together shouldn't change anything between us. I think about how we had sex multiple times because we were drunk, and she didn't remember. But then I think about how I couldn't hold Thea accountable for that. The alcohol she drank was strong and had made her lose her memory of the night. That would not be something that I could pin on her.

I was hurt. I am hurt that she cannot remember the best sex I've had in my life. My first time was with her. I don't remember it much other than the fact that Thea had enjoyed this time far better than the one in high school.

I needed to stop thinking about it, though. I needed to stop thinking about a night where I thought I could have her. I needed to get realistic.

Realistically, I wanted her.