Questionable Parenting Methodology

What The Fuck Is An Ex Man??

This was the most boring fucking thing i've ever been to. It could have been an E-Mail. Anything my dad says could be an E-Mail, I was on the verge of falling asleep until he said something interesting.

"-and we have a new group of heros. They're called the X-Men. We'll be consulting with them about missions and such. Today we have a few members of their group here to introduce themselves. Logan and River, also known as Wolverine and Siren." Dad said, moving to the side as these two new people entered through the side door. I got the feeling that maybe River didn't wanna be here, seeing as they looked more than mildly irritated at Logan and looking very awkward in the face of new people.

The Logan guy was intimidating as hell, he didn't seem like he was an easy man to like. River on the other hand was only awkward. Logan gave everyone a nod and River gave the most awkward wave I have ever seen in my whole life, holy fuck this person needed social training. We made eye contact and they offered me a small smile which I returned quickly as they turned away.

"Hi, I'm Logan. I'm an X-Man," The large guy said, looking a little annoyed that he had to call himself an X-Man. Then without a word, blades came out of his knuckles. BLADES, PEOPLE! He didn't even say anything, just waved them around, almost taking Charlies head off in the process, and then retracted his blades and turned to River. "This is River, they can scream loud and bust a persons eardrums without even thinking about it. Say hi."

"I don't wanna say hi, Logan," The blonde whispered (not so quietly) in Logans ear causing the man to throw River a glare and motion his head towards us, River only arched an eyebrow in response. Logan shoved River a little and pointed at us. River sighed and begrudgingly said "Hi."

I laughed quietly at the twos bickering, they were very obviously close with each other. And then my dad started talking and all of a sudden it got boring again. I stopped listening, choosing instead to play angry birds on my phone. There was a noise next to me and I looked over and saw River sat next to me.

"Whats up?" I asked, nodding my head towards them. They looked at my phone and then at me and right back at my phone. Ah. They were obviously as bored as I am. I offered my phone to them, which they hesitated to take but grabbed it after I pushed it towards them further.

The rest of the meeting went that way, me and River taking turns playing levels of angry birds. I was so close to winning the next level when my dad called my name.

"what?" I questioned. I had no fucking clue what he said, i wasn't listening very much, in case you hadn't noticed. Dad gave me the disappointed dad look which prompted me to roll my eyes.

"I asked if you could show River around, show them that room next to you and Yelenas. River will be alternating between the Avengers and the X-Men, so they need a place to stay. Show them everything important, okay kiddy?" Dad informed us. What the fuck? A new neighbor? He should have told me about this, but then again I never do read the E-Mails so maybe this is on me.

I got up and gestured for River to follow me out the door, which they quickly did. I looked at them and they looked so very uncomfortable, poor River.

"Did you know you were going to be alternating? I'm only just learning about this, which is wack because I should know everything about anything ever going on because my dads in charge." I asked River, curious to see if the intimidating man in the other room had told them anything about this. They shook their head so quickly I thought it would fall off.

"No bro, Logan never told me a thing about it. But he never actually tells me anything until last minute." They mumbled. It was clear they were feeling less awkward which was good because if their ability to play angry birds said anything about them then we would be good friends.

We were walking for at least ten minutes in silence until we got to the hall where the rooms are, I pointed to my room and Yelenas so they would know.

"And this ones yours, you can decorate it however you'd like if you want." I stated, making sure River knew that their room was permanent and would be completely their own.

"Thats cool but I don-" River got cut off by a gust of wind. Peter M. Damn him. He stopped by us, took one look at River, and decided that he was gonna stay to talk to us. He ran his hand through his bleached hair and started saying something.

"Who are you?" Peter asked towards River, his accent shining through in his breathy voice. I guess nobody told him about the team we were collaborating with. Then again nobody ever told him anything so he was always clueless. And then I saw it. He was totally eyeing River, which first of all is gross and second of all, they haven't even officially met.

I hadn't heard Rivers response so I looked over and they were very obviously feeling awkward again, not even looking in Peters direction and when they did their cheeks turned pink. Oh what the hell. Peter Maximoff? Really River, you can do better than that. I nudged them and it seemed like they actually realized where the hell they were.

"Oh i'm, uh i'm River Smythe. I'll be staying here sometimes." River let Peter know, voice very quiet and said too fast. God this was getting awkward for me. Peter flirting was always annoying, so I turned and dragged River into my room, quickly locking the door so Peter couldn't come in.

"Okay, absolutely not. Peters at least a 5, but barely." I informed River as I sat on my bed and put Criminal Minds on, restarting it in case River hadn't seen it, but they quickly informed me that we were at the same part so I resumed it where it was. I looked over and they were just standing there so I gestured for them to join me on the bed or sit in the chair at my desk. They chose the chair.

"You're wrong. He's an 8 for sure." River argued, being delusional of course because in what world was Peter Maximoff an 8? Not this one, thats for sure. I looked at River as if they had just drowned my baby. They shot me a disbelieving look. God what was this person on.

"You're lying theres no way- oh my god look Emilys wearing red!" I practically yelled, changing the subject in favor of looking at my favorite character. River quickly looked at the screen, equally as intrested in seeing Emily in a red tanktop as I was.

"God, she looks so good in red." River stated. I quickly nodded my head in agreement. We continued to watch Criminal Minds for the rest of the night, River of course saying the most vulgar things about Spencer Reid, which was totally unexpected, and then dad and Logan knocked on the door and came in and informed us it was time for River and Logan to leave. River seemed a little reluctant but went all the same, giving me a quick goodbye. I waved bye and that was that, the start of a very long, very important friendship.