I am a strong girl.
I don't need someone's company to feel whole.
I don't need to talk to people to feel better.
I am enough for myself.
And I definitely don't need someone to walk me to my classes and back.
Although the last part is technically true it doesn't mean that I don't feel a hollow feeling when I'm walking down the stairs from my apartment and outside onto the street.
I had lived without Jimin's presence for almost 14 years and now that he was back for barely 5 months in my life it feels he's not just a part of my life but and important part of my daily routine.
His eye-disappearing goofy smile is a constant thought running through my mind since last two nights when he hurt my feelings and our friendship. For a few hours I convinced myself that it was a repairable damage and we'd be back to normal but after two days and no calls, no randomly appearing on my apartment door, after my classes or in cafeteria and no messages whatsoever was making me think the worst.
Granted I had told him to never talk to me again but did he have to take that seriously? I was angry for God's sake and extremely hurt over his dismissal of my claims like I was not his friend. Maybe that Myeongha meant more to him than I thought.
I am enough for myself.
I tell myself again and again.
And I was doing fine if I do say so myself. At least till the time for lunch.
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I really wasn't doing fine. It was one of my lucky days because I didn't have to eat alone in the cafeteria. Yoongi was with me and even Yoorae too. But I had a clear sight of that damned Jimin, talking and laughing with that damned Myeongha.
It was like a stab to my heart. Not only Jimin was not talking to me but he was acting as if that little incident with Myeongha never happened. On top of that he was outrightly ignoring my whole existence. He never even looked at me one time.
Right then and there I made up my mind. No more moping over Jimin. If he could pretend I never existed then I could do that even better than him.
I am strong. I am fine.
"Not that I'm interested in your lover's quarrel but are you really not going to tell me what happened between you two?" Asked Yoongi from beside me while eating his food.
I had only told what happened to Yoorae and like a good friend she was a hundred percent on my side. She even insisted on reporting Meongha but I assured her she won't bother me again.
All the 10 minutes since Jimin came into the cafeteria with Myeongha, Yoongi silently observed our interaction or the lack of it and concluded; something happened.
"All there is to tell is that he's a jerk. Besides you're saying lover's quarrel as if we were ever a couple." I explain to the older man. The only reason I wasn't telling him what happened was because even though at most times Yoongi presented himself as cool as a cucumber, heartless as a stone guy, he very much cared about people close to him.
And even if he never shows any affection towards me, I know he has those protective brotherly feelings for me. I know he'd get upset on my behalf and question Jimin once he knows and I didn't want to cause any problems between the two.
"As if the look on your face isn't of a break up." He retorts, moving his chopsticks in the general direction of my face.
I had no idea how my face looked at that time but seeing Yoorae's pitying expression made me realise it must not be so good. So I plaster a very real looking fake smile and flash it to both of them before standing up from my seat.
"Please oppa, you know me better than that. I don't cry over boys. I have better things to do than that." Even though Jimin was not just any boy for me, any friend who didn't believe me was bound to be not a friend anymore.
And to prove this very specific point I walk towards the table where Jimin and his friends were sitting. Then I make sure to wave a hi to Hoseok who happened to sit on the right of Jimin and after that I walk past their table and to the vending machine behind them. Buying an apple juice pack I strut back to my seat without sparing even one glance in Jimin's direction.
Yes I'm a strong girl.
And for the first time since that incident I was starting to believe it.
Jimin
It was getting out of my hands now. I knew I had messed up when I saw the look on Aera's face like I had betrayed her. Maybe I did. It definitely looked that way from her perspective. But it was far from truth.
How could I ever doubt my sweet little Aera over a classmate?
When I divulged into this matter more than surface level I realised now that Myeongha might have a crush on me and thought Aera was competition but why Myeongha was stalking and threating her was beyond me because I never instigated that I was interested in a relationship with anyone. Besides what right Myeongha had over me to go and harass another girl?
I knew we couldn't simply accuse her. She'd close off and would've fled and I didn't want her to bother Aera again. So I pretended that I believed her so she'd believe me too and have her guard down. I was close to catching her but....
But I couldn't wait anymore. I had chosen to come to the cafeteria at this time because I knew Aera would be here too but Myeongha followed me and now it looks like I have no care in the world for the girl sitting in front of me when it's the complete opposite.
I'm so glad that she's not much affected. She's smiling and hanging out with her friends being her social self and not caring for the useless stuff that would dim her smile even slightly but I'd be lying if it didn't just hurt my heart a little.
Before I can control myself I'm ditching my current group and moving over to the next table, first greeting Yoongi hyung and Yoorae then Aera. I get an eye roll from Yoorae and a simple nod from Aera which I consider a success over balant ignoring.
"Jimin, fancy seeing you at our table." Yoorae's voice drips with sarcasm I have no answer to. I hurt her friend; it was obvious she'd hate me. Hell, even I was hating myself right now.
I took a deep breath to calm my nerves before opening my mouth, "Um actually I wanted to talk to Aera for just a minute."
"Absolutely no-" Yoorae's voice is drowned by Aera who abruptly stands up, pulls her bag to her chest and pushes back her chair.
"Oh! Would you look at the time? It's time for my class. See you guys." She says rapidly and I feel myself sinking into the chair from sheer guilt. She's leaving just because of me.
Yoongi hyung puts one finger in the air to halt Aera and it works. He looks unimpressed but he also looks like that most of the time. "There's still 14 minutes left before lunch break is over", he says.
But Aera is having none of it. Putting a fake smile on her lips she just waves at us and says, "Ok, thank you, byeee." And before anyone can stop her she scurries out of the cafeteria, with Yoorae hot on her tail.
I put my elbows on the table in front of me and my head in my palms. A headache is silently forming in the centre of my forehead and I just want to close my eyes and forget everything else. However, I'm forced to lift my head from my hands when I feel a heavy stare on my face.
Yoongi hyung's voice is equally calm and scary when asks me, "Spill the beans Park Jimin."
Hello my lovely friends. I know my updates are not frequent but the story is picking up some momentum now and I'll be writing some interesting chapters so stay with me and I hope you enjoy my little story.
