Closed door | Eren x Mikasa

Part I

Waves were lazily crashing against the coast. My bare feet buried in the cool sand were dangerously close to the edge where they were able to reach. I felt their presence as they collided with the land in incredible synchronicity. I took my fascinated gaze away from the waves blurring on the sand and looked ahead. The distant horizon that my still-insatiable gaze registered intensified the emotions that came to me this day.

Everything was new. Unknown.

I felt unsatisfied.

Is it possible to miss something that one has never experienced? Or is it that my second instance remembers something that I have no right to perceive as a memory? If so, will this situation overwrite what potentially exists somewhere in my subconscious?

I sighed, lowering my head.

Will the day ever come when I understand myself? Is the impression of splitting stoppable in this particular case?

Another sigh left my slightly chapped lips. At the same time, I heard a voice coming as if from afar. Drowned out at first by the constant hum of the sea, it gradually became clearer. I knew it. I knew to whom it belonged. I longed for it to reach me undisturbed, for me to hear every word clearly.

I squeezed my eyes tightly, wanting to focus only on that sound, on the timbre of her voice.

She was getting closer and closer.

– Eren.

She was right next to me.

The corners of my lips involuntarily moved up.

– It's about to start raining.

Raining? Just a moment ago, the sky was blue and cloudless.

I struggled to open my eyes and saw her face above me. She was leaning over me, and her hair was blown away by a gentle breeze.

– ...I fell asleep.

– I know, that's why I came.

– I was dreaming...

– About what?

– The sea, the beach and you, or in fact... your voice.

The expression on her face changed. She smiled at me.

She had a nice smile. I wanted her to do it more often.

– Let's go home, Eren – she said, offering me her hand.

I grabbed it without thinking and lifted my still sluggish body. The darkening sky actually heralded a change in the weather. We headed off along the already trodden path. We took our time, the home was close by. My hand still held hers, I was not going to let it go. The feeling was too pleasant. I wanted it to last as long as possible.

Closing the door behind me, I leaned against it with my back, and located my still slightly unconscious gaze in our entwined hands.

– Where are you going? – I asked strangely concerned as she went off in an unknown destination and direction.

The bond has been broken. An extremely unpleasant feeling.

– I wanted to add wood to the fire – she explained, glancing over her shoulder at me.

I must have looked alarming, to say the least, because she stopped and, looking at me more intently, took a step toward me.

– Is everything okay? – she asked, without taking her eyes off me.

– No... not everything – I replied half-consciously.

– In this case... what's not okay?

I remained silent. I couldn't explain it. Or was it just a defense mechanism? Could it be that I was simply running away?