Iconic Duo

Chapter Ten

10
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Arden

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I was seeing her again.

She was haunting me again. That day was haunting me again.

Marianna was standing right in front of me. She looked happy, bright, and standing there with her normal smile that she would greet me with everyday I got off of work before...before that fucking day.

"I missed you." Her arms wrapped around my lower back.

I stood there momentarily, feeling her, smelling her, seeing her.

"Another bad day at work?" She broke from the hug and looked up at me, her hands going behind her back and she bit her lip playfully.

I was still lost for words as I looked down at her. She actually looked happy and real.

"I–" I chugged down the huge lump down my throat and tried to form my sentence properly before the moment could slip away from me, it couldn't slip away from me. I wanted time with her. "I'm just happy to see you."

Marianna blinked a few times before making a playful disgusted expression. "Gross dude." She backed away from me a fair distance.

"It's been so long...since I seen you." I stepped closer trying to touch her again, but she only backed away and sat on the couch and wrapped her arms around her knees and hid her face into her legs. 

Laughter erupted from her. Constant laughter. First it sounded like laughter as in fun or joy, but then it died down and started to sound like crying.

My heart started pumping very quickly and my breathing grew faint. Everything ran in slow motion, I couldn't keep up.

"Why didn't you save me?" Her voice was low and I wasn't sure if I heard her correctly.

"Marianna what?" I reached my hand down and touched her shoulder.

"Why didn't you save me?!" I heard her, clearly this time. And her head was no longer down, she looked directly at me. Her skin wasn't warm looking or flowing with blood showing any life, her smile wasn't there, she didn't look healthy or happy. Instead she looked pale, sad, mad, miserable, dead, I couldn't even recognize her as my sister, my Marianna.

Her mascara running down her cheeks with tears of sadness and utter fear. Here I was..lost for words, nothing to say, there was nothing to say. I am to blame, of course I didn't want to be blamed, but maybe it would make me feel better if I knew I was at fault. I still couldn't figure out why, the answer was somewhere, maybe I just didn't want to know it.

"You let me die!"

"You were supposed to protect me, but you didn't."

"I died alone, Arden!"

"Miserable!"

"You weren't by your little sister's side!"

"This is all on you!"

I fell to my knees, my hands falling to the floor, and so did my head. I was trying to drown her voice out, escape from the truth. As much as I wanted to see my little sister again. I wanted her back. Able to sleep back in her room, able to have that weird addiction to her phone that I'll never understand, watching those strange cartoons that we used to watch as kids, her clinging to me just because she loved me, and I secretly loved her annoyance.

I just wanted my sister back, I wanted to have protected her, I wanted to have saved her. Now it's too late, and it feels like a damn lifetime.

If I could I would exchange our places. I would sacrifice my life just so she could roam this earth again and do the things she loved the most. She wouldn't need me here, she didn't deserve to be taken from this earth so early. Me on the other hand...I would be okay. I would be okay knowing that I was alone or that I went out how I did, because I would have made people happy, and that's enough for me to be satisfied and happy.

"You don't even visit me."

Those words...those fucking words made my heart drop. I couldn't– I've tried to visit her grave, but I couldn't. I would chicken out before I even reached the cemetery. The thought of sitting in front of her tombstone and even trying to speak up a conversation made me sick, it made me infuriated. It made me fucking hate myself even more. I hated myself so bad that I couldn't even look at my own reflection.

I didn't even visit my parents anymore. I couldn't face even baring to speak to them with Marianna by their side. I'm the true disappointment of this family. All that hard work that my dad told me when he was alive and the words Marianna would recite everyday to me hasn't paid off. It was all for nothing and just a waste.

Who knows, I could be close to the verge of letting my career slip away from me because of a bottle in my hand every few hours. But I couldn't possibly. It took too much time and money to get me where I am now. I don't give a shit about the money, but the support. Elijah gave me a fair share of support and before my parents and Marianna died, they did too. They were there keeping me sane, stabilizing my wellbeing.

I had it all.

I'm ashamed, I'm so ashamed that it was her instead of me. As a big brother, I failed my sister, I failed my parents, and everyone else around me. Rather they want to say it or not; I fucking know it. I know it. And here I am paying the price for it everyday with fear of seeing my baby sister state the truth about me, and the constant fear of visiting my sister.

I missed out on her funeral, I just couldn't go.

I didn't want to believe that I wasn't going to see my sister again ever again, and I just couldn't face the guilt.

I could feel my eyes almost burning and my head spinning in circles. My heart beat continuously pumped and felt like it was aching. It has been a rough year and is still rough. Most days I'm stuck inside of my head dwelling wishing things could have gone differently. I just want her back. I'm tired of seeing her through these weird day dreams or those fucked up dreams. But maybe I'm actually catching a glimpse of the real her, the new her. I mean people change all the time. How could I know she's still not the same sweet, kind, adorable, and friendly girl anymore.

She was legally an adult.

Only nineteen years..

But she will forever be the little girl who always believed in the tooth fairy or a fairy god mother, always.

It's so much we haven't got to do together, so much I wanted to do for her but never got the chance.

If I could get a redo then I would do everything over again, everything.

But there aren't really second chances in life.

••

Thank you for reading!

The backstory on Mariana's death is going to be so heartbreaking...

The next one is going to be something! (Winks)

We're diving deeper into the story. I hope you guys are prepared for it all.

Random question: What's your favorite trope for a book?

See ya in the next one!