Sin For Me

Chapter 28

I looked at the envelope laying haphazardly on the table, and then I looked at Vivian.

The tension in the air was thick.
Her expression was blank and unwavering.
In contrast, my own face was painted in about fifty different shades of confusion.

I don't know how I expected her to react to me saying "I love you." for the first time, but it wasn't like this.

"Are you not going to say anything?" I asked her.
She looked at the envelope and then back at me, her eyebrow quirking ever so slightly as if to say, "Go ahead, Open it."

Okay, so she wasn't going to say anything.

You would think that you'd understand this situation better with a little more context, which I will gladly give to you, but trust me it won't help all that much.

So...Yeah.
Love.
I had just told her that I loved her.

She responded by merely nodding, reaching into her bag to retrieve an envelope and putting it on the table.
I raised my eyebrow, staring at the piece of paper for a good few seconds.

Was I merely drunk, or in some universe was this an appropriate response to the bomb that I had just dropped on her?

Anyway.
Let me provide you with the priorly promised context.

I should probably explain how I realised that I was in love, and when it happened.

If you've been paying attention, you would know that it's a no brainer that I fell in love with her.
Like, duh? How could I not?
She's been nothing but perfect to me.

You may even be asking how it didn't happen sooner, following suite on the lesbian stereotype that it takes less than 2 weeks to confess your love to one another.

To be fair, I had been in love for quite some time. I just didn't know it.
I expected it to feel different.

I thought that it would be this shocking, revolutionary moment where you just look at someone and feel your heart nearly stop as you realise, "Oh, shit...I actually fucking love this person."

All very dramatic, all very movie-like.

Just an overly-intense crush. Where you feel butterflies all the time, and you want to squeal whenever you see them.

Don't get me wrong, It is still possible to have those things with a long term partner.
The Lord Himself knows I still feel those things when I'm with Vivian, but that's not what genuine love feels like, you know?
Or at least not for me. To each their own.

The love that I had began to cultivate for her was a soft one. A deeply comforting, stable and secure type of love that made me feel stronger and weaker at the same.

Like I could do anything, and still be weak in the knees for her.
Like I could take on any hardship that came my way, as long as I could talk to her about it and find refuge in her arms at the end of the day.

So, About when I realised it...

I was laid up with her on the couch one day.
My head rested on her chest as she played with my hair.
This was a position that we found ourselves in often.
She liked my hair.
I liked hearing her heartbeat, which would thump a little harder whenever I would hold her a little tighter or use my fingers to trace invisible lines across her exposed skin. Bonus points if she got goosebumps.

In that moment, I looked up at her.
I scanned her facial features and how they all just clicked together to make a face as beautiful as hers.

Fuck, How did I get so lucky bro?