i wrote this for you

what it feels like to have your heart broken

everything.

that's what i felt.. i felt everything.

i could feel the hurt in my heart pouring out of me with every tear streaming down my face. i could feel it dispersing from my heart right through to my fingertips. my fingertips that gripped my phone so hard i swore it could bend and break right there.. my fingertips that itched to type him a msg asking him not to go, asking him to stay and tell me it was a dream, to call him up and ask him to come over and hold me so that i would know none of this was real and for him to soothe the pain away from this terrible nightmare i can't seem to wake up from..

only, it's not a nightmare..

and the phone in my hand weighs a ton as i lift it to read his msg again. to read the words that have my breath hitching and my heart racing furiously as i feel it slowly breaking inside my chest.

i have no will to move from the spot my feet are rooted at, on the side of my bed, not even to get any tissues to wipe my face. i just stand there looking at my phone until a sob emerges from me and my body jerks forcefully. it's then that i let myself fall to the floor. i wrap my hands around myself as i curl into a ball and cry to my hearts content.

my mother doesn't want me, my father's abandoned me years before and now, so have you.

i close my eyes tightly as i realize that i have nothing good left in my life, and even that epiphany does not stop the tears from cascading down my cheeks until it all fades into oblivion.

i guess this is what it feels like to have your heart broken.