Murdering One Direction: Reversing the Cursing

Chapter 8: To Hell and Back

I was wrong. I was so wrong.

It had been two months since the final member of One Direction had been revived. It was now a week before the show. Since then, the newly revived members of One Direction had spent hours upon hours each day working on a half-time show routine in a last-ditch effort to reclaim their lost glory. I thought that two months would surely be enough time to shake the dust off, create a mediocre routine, and put together a show, but I hadn't taken into account the idiots I was working with.

Harry's newfound religion that he started and made the rules for claims he's only allowed to speak on even-numbered days. Liam became an online book critic, and he refused to spend any time outside of rehearsal practicing. Instead, he spent every waking second of his life reading and reviewing books. He'd also become a frustratingly clever philosopher. Zayn had ditched most of the rehearsals to get more face tattoos for his face. Niall had become a gluttonous pig, gaining fifty pounds by eating nothing but Snickers bars. He could barely stand let alone dance. Lastly, Louis is Louis. He has no sense of rhythm and he can't sing. I don't know how he was ever in the band to begin with.

In short, we were days removed from performing the most important show of their careers and the band hadn't put together a routine. We're screwed.

Lady Gaga furiously stomped up to Simon and I. "I can't do it! These idiots are hopeless. They can't dance. They can't sing. And this one looks like a muppet!" She whipped Louis with an Indiana Jones-esque whip. He let out a disgusting moan of pleasure. "I'm sorry, but I'm done here. Lose my number!" She spat at Simon, but then winked at me. "Not you though, you can call me anytime." She ceremoniously handed me a slip of paper with her number. This was clearly just for added effect since I already had her number, but I appreciated the dedication to the art.

Simon sighed. "I don't get it. Before, they were all mindless drones that would unquestioningly do everything I said. It's like they've all completely changed! Well, except Louis. He's shown no character development." Louis rubbed his butt longingly where Lady Gaga had whipped him. "Ugh, that soul-binding contract is binding the wrong soul right now!"

An idea lit in my head. "Simon! That contract they signed! They pledged their souls to you for as long as they lived, but what if when they died the contract was nullified."

He shook his head. "No, I made sure that when the contract was written up, their souls would belong to me forever, even after death. Here, take a look." He unfurled an old-timey parchment he pulled out from his back pocket.

I scanned the document. "Hm, let's see 'By signing this Agreement, each signatory hereby irrevocably and unconditionally waives all rights to their eternal souls, and exclusive proprietorship of said souls shall henceforth belong to Simon Cowell. This agreement shall remain in full force and effect for all eternity, even in the event of the decease of any signatory, their souls shall continue to be the sole property of owner, Simon Cowell. This agreement shall be governed by the laws of their majesty Lucifer J. Satan and shall be binding upon the parties, their heirs, successors, and assigns. In witness whereof, the parties hereto have executed this Eternal Soul Ownership Agreement as of the effective date, forever binding their souls to the ownership of Simon Cowell, and acknowledging its enforceability beyond the boundaries of mortal existence.'... Yeah, this seems pretty airtight, but I can't help but feel that something is different. Simon, I think they voided the contract somehow. That's why they aren't obeying your every whim. We have to get to the bottom of this. We have to steal back their souls!"

He placed a finger to his chin. "Hmm. You may be on to something. There's only one person that could help us with this, however."

"We don't have much of a choice. With only a week left, we need to act now. Who is this person?"