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let's pretend that i haven't updated this book for more than six months because we need to have an important chat about it! (i'm so nervous writing this, i'm scared everyone's gonna kill me in the comments)
i don't even know where to start with this omds. uh, i am NOT going to write another chapter for streets (don't kill me)
this book was really special to me when i started writing it in the sense that it was a woman getting into f1 and being inspirational and being a talented woman and finally being given an opportunity as a woman in motorsport. that was really the main message of streets that as women we CAN do it, and that we will also still face so much sexism for being talented. that's what i wanted. (whilst also having so much angst because alicia lost her seat but was supposed to go to an even better team than williams 😝)
now when i look at this book, i really feel like i lost that thought when i started focusing so much on the carlos aspect, i also don't share that much affinity with carlos anymore 😭😭 i also just think with streets i could've done so much better had i not even given alicia a love interest.
and i know you're thinking why not just rewrite without carlos even involved with alicia at all. my response to that is i just don't think i can do that, and not in the way that i think every book needs a romantic interest.
writing books like lover and streets isn't really how i write anymore, if any of you read my other books (nothing new, everywhere, everything fans i hope you're here 🙏) you'll see that i don't write social media based books anymore, i write long 5k-10k chapters now and i can't transform streets into that because the social media aspect was so easy and quick for me and felt really relative and impactful to the plot.
the way i write now, and some of the chapters in this books feel completely different to the style i find with my newer books that sit in the drafts and collect dust.
and to be honest, i hate having this feeling towards streets because i really wanted this book to work. for so long it was my no.1 book to write because it felt good to write something that felt inspiring, and something so cool as a woman in f1. and then when i started to lean away from the power of friendship (the powerpuff girls ofc) and the actual racing, it got really hard to write.
i feel like i'm just giving lame excuses but it really is the truth. and i feel so guiltily about my feelings towards this book, hence why i haven't even commented on it in six months 😭😭
alicia was my BABY. like iris, we all loved. but, alicia was my girl. and i wanted her to be someone we all loved, and you all did. and i cannot tell you how sorry i am for not being able to write this book, and not give you the story i wanted to.
alicia was gonna take the world by storm, she was gonna get a ferrari seat and win the whole fucking thing. and i wish i could've wrote that for you. i really really do.
i am sorry to have kept this message waiting for six months, just letting it all go idle but i didn't want you all to hate me. i am sorry for any disappointment this may have caused(leave me hate comments, i'll survive) (I WON'T) and i'm sorry that we couldn't finish alicia's story.
the support this book has been given is something i'm never gonna forget. (which is why it makes it so much harder to do this) thank you, really from the bottom of my heart. i loved every single comment, loved every single one of you who commented and even loved those silent readers. i love every single one you even if you want to burn me at the stake and i am so sorry.
