I've Held My Heart Close All These Years

Chapter 2: Melancholic Joy

He Xuan, disguised as Ming Yi, almost never comes to heaven. The keyword here is almost because right now he is being dragged there by Shi Qingxuan to watch a new god ascend. Which, if you look on the bright side, is great, because now he has an excuse to freely get new information for Hua Cheng.

The problem is he is really not in the mood right now.

"Come on, Ming-xiong!" Shi Qingxuan had said. "This is important! Do you know how many vacant spots we have here? It could be a new elemental master, like a Fire Master! Come on, don't you want to take a look? A tiny peek, and then you can go back... eating... or whatever, come on!"

His half-death glare did nothing to make Shi Qingxuan even hesitate a little, which is just great. Maybe later he could play a drinking game and take a shot every time they dragged him along to whatever adventure they felt like going on. Bonus sips for however many times they've said 'come on' while doing so.

The sky rumbles and quakes. The bell tolls a lot. Like, more so than usual, which is normally... not very many. It's just there to cheer them on. If the bell had a face, He Xuan thinks it would be screaming, or bawling, or maybe both with how loud and how many times it's ringing. It's starting to hurt He Xuan's ears. Still, he follows Shi Qingxuan to watch whoever it is ascend. Once the light finally recedes back into nothingness, he hears a lot of gasps, one of them coming from right next to him. He can see why.

There is a dead body in front of him. A dead body has ascended.

Well, it's probably not dead, but if someone said it was, He Xuan would believe them without a second thought.

The god's skin reminded him of a stiff, shiny cloth, with the way it fitted around its bones like some twisted Ghost City meat. The dark, matted hair looked and smelled like it was covered in blood. The clothes were so bloody that He Xuan couldn't guess the original color of them. It had more places where it was bleeding even more fresh blood.

In one word: bloody.

That does not help the dirt, grime, and tears it is also covered with.

Not to mention it was especially chilling with the new-looking, shiny silver mask it was wearing. The body, as He Xuan will name it, is wearing a mask adorned with exquisite detailed carvings. Though everything else was dirty beyond compare, the mask remained untouched as if it was only just made. A legend resurfaces in He Xuan's mind.

The legend of Guoshi Fangxin.

Appointed as the Guoshi for His Highness Tai Hua, or Lang Qianqiu, he taught him for years before his seventeenth birthday, in which he hacked all the people there into corpses and killed everyone at the gilded banquet. Later, he was buried and sealed in a coffin after Lang Qianqiu defeated him, as the legend goes...

Was that Guoshi Fangxin?!

Did he ascend from the coffin!?

Ling Wen arrives with little fanfare. "General Xuan Zhen," she says. "please bring the new god to your palace to heal. I will look into this matter at once."

He Xuan watches as General Nan Yang and General Xuan Zhen carry the body to the former's palace. After they're out of sight, he makes a tactical retreat. That body really woke him up.

"Shi Qingxuan-" he starts, but Shi Qingxuan fills in his story for him,

"N-need a moment?" they ask shakily. Lucky for him, he does need a moment. Just not like what they're thinking. Shi Qingxuan would want comfort from another person, but they know He Xuan, or in their eyes, Ming Yi, would not. Hopefully, they can find their brother or something.

"Yeah," he replies. Thank goodness for Shi Qingxuan.

____

A few minutes later, he's back at the Earth Master's palace, using the communication array to contact another Supreme.

"What is it?" The Supreme in question drawls lazily. "What do you need, money? Food? It will be added onto your debt."

"Nothing of that sort," He Xuan sneers, though Hua Cheng cannot see it. "Someone new has ascended to heaven. Thought you might want to know who it is?"

He can feel Hua Cheng become more attentive, probably hoping it was his god. He probably would have paused if he were below himself. "Well then? Who is it?"

"That's the thing," He Xuan says. "What ascended was, basically, a corpse."

"A corpse? Not a ghost?" Hua Cheng inquires. He can tell that he's very interested.

"Can ghosts even ascend? No, like, a corpse. It might have been alive, but it certainly looked dead. I might be wrong, but I believe it's the Guoshi Fangxin. I could check for you."

"Perhaps you could. That's certainly interesting."

"Do you want me to go to General Xuan Zhen's palace?"

"I really don't care."

"Okay..."

____

And that was how He Xuan found his way to General Xuan Zhen's palace. Fucking great.

Fate really doesn't like him anymore, does it?

He absent-mindedly goes through the routine of getting past some of the junior officials and insists he can find Guoshi Fangxin on his own. Which is how he finds himself peeking through a random door. And of course, he has to deal with the bullshit that is Guoshi Fangxin is sitting up, probably awake.

Listening closer, he hears... something. Akin to sobbing, maybe.

____

When he awakens, there is pain.

There is always pain.

But the pain is lesser, now.

And everything felt so... light. And he can see, in what feels like forever. When was the last time he truly saw? It isn't as beautiful as the gold-white light and the people, but it's something other than nothing. He's endlessly grateful for this dream.

He tries sitting up, which doesn't work. His core isn't what it used to be. He wishes he could experience this dream to the fullest, but this works as well. Despite everything, it's still him. He's still here.

It's so good.

He eventually finds his way up, supporting himself on the soft lumps below him. His arms aren't what he wishes they were, but he can still move them. He still tries. His face stretches into something, he doesn't know what. It pulls at his skin uncomfortably, but he can't stop.

He tries to make a sound. It doesn't work.

His arms still work, so he reaches up to his throat, feeling... something. It's hollow. Maybe a hole? Or a scar? Something. He can't talk anymore. He wishes he could express his joy, but the sound won't come out.

He must stay strong for this to continue. He realizes he's kept his eyes closed the whole time.

He names the color he saw; red. It was red he saw beneath his eyelids. Another beautiful color, he thinks. Red.

Oh wow, he has eyelids too.

He cracks open his eyelids a tiny bit; enough for light to seep through his eyelashes. It's beautiful.

The design is elegant but not too much, from what he can see. The walls are white. There are carvings along the pillars. He gives his moments some time to adjust before opening them up some more. It seems almost like a white flash, the way he processes it- it's too much, too fast, but still he can't help but want more.

Heaven, he thinks. This is Heaven. He relaxes, allowing himself to take in the sight of this perfect place slowly. He feels a sense of joy, a feeling of contentment. He's shaking, that much he knows.

His head gets tired, or maybe it's just him. He looks down. The soft cloth beneath him becomes blurry. He blinks some wetness away from his eyes, but they fall, staining it. His face scrunches up painfully. He doesn't feel bloody anymore. He's still dirty, though. He's messy.

Blood- the blood inside him- rushes down his arms and chest. It has been since he sat up. It feels good. There is an infinite amount of it inside and outside of him. Blood is always a constant; whether dry or wet or blue or red or-

It's always there. Inside of you.

His blood is red, too.

His shoulders shake. He hears something creak .

His head leads his eyes towards the noise. Standing in between... two doors, is a person, a real, living person.

He could cry from joy, he is crying from joy. He could lift his arms, but he can't talk. He wants to see them.

Catching the stranger's eye, the stranger hesitantly walks in. He stares at them in awe.

The stranger wears detailed black and gold robes. The gold matches the stranger's eyes, which are narrowed and locked on him. Dark hair is tied up in a high ponytail, but his bangs still cover some of his face.

Before, he didn't have enough time to study the people in front of him; he was too overcome with emotions to even register their facial expressions. Years of solitude have probably rubbed off some of his social skills, but the stranger looks... weird. Disgusted? Hesitant? It's certainly something, he knows.

Maybe it's uncomfortable, the way the stranger shuffles his feet and looks like they're working up the courage to say something. He doesn't know why it catches him off guard when he finally speaks.

"Are you the Guoshi Fangxin?"