TIL THE SUNRISE - CHANLIX.

SIX

MOM AND DAD, DID YOU EVER SEARCH FOR ME?

    My knees are sore. I've had them folded underneath me for so long that at first I couldn't feel them at all. Were they even still attached? Had he taken them too? It would be just like him, to take my knees so that I couldn't escape. He'd already taken my hand.

 
    That, I cradled into my body. If I let it dangle it felt all tingly. It was black and just as grimy as the rest of me. Covered in blood and cuts and it had swelled up like a balloon. Broken, probably. But the way I couldn't use it at all made me less than hopeful.

    If only I hadn't reached for his food. I was supposed to be good, eat only what was given to me; which was usually table scraps. But I was so hungry. So hungry it felt like my stomach was eating itself. Maybe I was. I'd reached for a slice of bread on the table, and he pinned me down and stomped on the offending hand until it looked like this. Until I'd passed out from the pain.

    I woke up back in the cage.

     I'd been kept in the cage for a long time. I didn't know how long exactly. There were no windows in this room, no calendars, nothing to keep track of the time. But I knew it had been a long time. I was a kid when I was snatched, and since then I'd grown taller, my body had changed. I would assume my voice was deeper, if I could use it.

    In the early days I cried for my mom and dad. But I'd stopped that.

      If they wanted to find me, I wouldn't be here.

* * *

   "Good, Felix. You've almost got it!" Chan cheered, as Felix carefully picked up the plastic cup of water with his right hand. The two of them, plus Noah of course, were seated outside on the grass. Noah was pulling blades of grass out of the garden, and Felix and Chan sat with a plastic tray table between them, various things set on it.

    One of them was the glass of water Felix was now trying to lift. Ever since his hand had been smashed, he'd lost most of the function. Surgeons had worked on him diligently, but even they couldn't preserve much. He could pick up light objects, empty cups and little chess pieces and he could put Noah's toys back in their baskets. But he didn't have the strength to handle heavier objects.

     Felix's tongue poked out of his mouth, concentrating as he closed his hand around the cup for the second time that morning, using all the strength he had to lift it. It was only half full, but even that was taxing on the little muscle he had left in that hand. He managed to lift the cup a few centimetres off the table, for just a few seconds before he lost his grip and the cup of water fell; splashing across the plastic.

    Noah looked in their direction, and down at the now spilled water. Felix stood up in a huff, kicking the table right over. Chan frowned and opened his mouth to say something but Felix cut him off. "Go away."

    "But Felix, you lifted it! That's—"

 
      Felix snapped his teeth in Chan's direction and snarled; a behaviour left over from all those years in a cage. "Leave me alone!" Tears stung Felix's eyes, as he watched Chan sadly scoop Noah up and carry him inside. He planted himself on the ground, not caring that it was wet from the water he spilled. The memory of getting his hand smashed circled in his brain as crushed the heels of his hands into his eyes.

   [ "Bad dog," The man yelled at me, kicking the bread from my hands. It had touched the earthen floor and was rubbish now. I would've eaten still, if he hadn't picked it straight up and tossed it outside for the birds. I was just hungry.

    Pushing me to the ground, he stood a booted foot on my right arm. I tried to struggle from underneath him, but he stomped on my hand so hard I heard something crack. Then again. And again.

 
    When it was over it didn't really look like my hand anymore... ]

    Felix knew Chan was watching from the window, as he always did when Felix had a meltdown. He loved and hated it at the same time. Loved; because he was always there to jump in if Felix was unsafe. But hated; because he wanted to be normal. So many times, he'd laid in bed and wished he didnt survive. That it was him under the cold dirt. Things would be simpler.

    When Felix had calmed down, Chan was waiting for him on the sofa. Noah was sat on a playmat, watching an episode of Bluey; which was a show Felix also enjoyed. Chan held his arms out and Felix joined him on the couch. "I'm sorry," he mumbled but Chan shushed him. It was quiet for a moment, just the sounds of Bluey and Bingo on the television, until Felix asked. "I'm not going to be able to use my hand properly, am I?"

   Chan sighed, unsure how to answer. But Felix asked him because he knew Chan wouldn't lie to him. "Probably not," he settled on, "But no one knows anything. It's still early days, with a surgery of this magnitude. You might be able to, you might not. We just don't know."

    Felix seemed to accept this. He had his own suspicions about whether he'd regain function of that hand. He thought it probably would've been more useful if they cut it off. Then he wouldn't have to worry about it and he'd have a definitive answer from the get go.

   "I think I want the tutor.." Felix mumbled, eyes trained on the television. He could feel Chan practically vibrate with excitement next to him, though he tried to downplay it. "But not reading and writing. Well, maybe only a little. Just enough to get by without my reader; like street signs and stuff, you know? I want to learn numbers.."

    He knew Chan would be happy with whatever he chose to learn. The truth was, he'd seen a video about how easy it was to code simple computer games, and the thought appealed to him. Maybe he could do something worthwhile, even if he'd never really been to school. He wanted a future. He didn't want to be traumatised Felix anymore.

    He relayed his idea to Chan, who agreed heartily. It was a great idea. Felix was super intelligent, and Chan knew he could pull it off.

    In that moment, Felix felt like maybe he was getting his life back.