Dangerous Play

34 » all fun and games

Kieran watched as I slowly approached the front porch. He stood, and I realized with some surprise that he was dressed formally. A black suit jacket flattered his broad shoulders, and the top two buttons of his white dress shirt were undone, lending a casual touch to his outfit. I envied his ability to look both effortlessly casual and put-together, though in this case I couldn't figure out why he was sitting on my doorstep dressed like this.

I stopped in front of him. This close, I caught a whiff of his cologne, a delicious pine and citrus mix that was uniquely Kieran. I was sure I smelled decidedly less pleasant, considering I was still wearing my practice uniform and hadn't had a chance to shower. There was also probably a drop or two of melted ice cream on my shorts. To sum it up, I looked like a hot mess.

Kieran didn't seem to notice. He stuffed his hands in his pockets in a gesture that, on anyone else, I would've called nervous. "Hey," he said at last.

That was all he had to say after disappearing for half a week? I crossed my arms and stared at him. "...Hi."

He had the grace to look a little sheepish. "Um, sorry I didn't text. I've been in Spain."

That distracted me from my rising anger for a moment. "What?"

Kieran shifted slightly but kept his eyes on my face. "I flew out on Sunday afternoon to meet with the Real Madrid board and discuss a transfer next summer. I would've said something, but I didn't know if you'd want to talk to me. Then I figured I at least owed you an explanation, so I came straight here after getting back."

I looked at him a little more closely. Despite the formalwear, his hair was a little more mussed than usual and the shadows under his eyes were slightly more pronounced. That took the wind out of my sails a little, though then I was annoyed that he still managed to look good even while being jet lagged and having just come off an international flight. "Oh. I guess that makes sense." Then the other part of what he said clicked. "Wait, you met with the board already? That's amazing!"

His smile widened. "I haven't signed anything yet, but... it's looking pretty promising. I think they think other clubs are going to jump in and wanted to be the first."

"I'm happy for you," I said, and meant it. I'd seen how hard Kieran had worked over the years to get as good as he had, and it was finally paying off.

"Thanks," he replied.

Both of us were silent for a beat. I shifted awkwardly, knowing that wasn't what he had come here to talk about, but not wanting to start the conversation. Finally, Kieran blew out a breath. "Look, Abby, we need to talk about what happened on Saturday."

I couldn't meet his eyes. "I don't know what you mean." There wasn't a word strong enough in the English dictionary to describe the level of denial I was trying to maintain.

He scoffed. "Are you serious?"

For some reason, that set me off. I had exactly two reactions to difficult conversations: run away or get defensive. Since I was at home, there wasn't exactly anywhere for me to run, so that left only one option. All of the feelings I'd been trying to process for the last few days bubbled up and poured out of my mouth before I could stop them.

I threw my hands up in frustration and got right up in his face. "You wanna talk? Fine, let's talk. I'm confused as hell because this whole thing was your idea, and I don't know why I went along with it in the first place. I have no idea how you feel about me or if you even want to be friends anymore, or if you were just using me and our friendship to get over your shitty ex. The only thing I do know is that I'm in love with you, and a fat lot of good that does me if—"