Donkey Kong Scene Rewrite (Noms)

Le Main Bit

As Mario steps out into the blinding light, the deafening sound of hundreds of Kongs cheering rings in his ears. Or, now that he was regaining his senses, it sounded like booing. It was booing.
He's starting to regret this.
The plan had been simple on paper: Travel with the princess and Toad to the Kong Kingdom, and beg for the assistance of the great Kong Army. In practice, though, this hadn't worked out so well, and the gang had been denied. Mario, desperate for the help and for his brother to be saved, doubled down and refused to leave until they got said army, with the agreement being that Mario would fight the son of the mighty Cranky Kong.
Mario now stands idly, awaiting his challenger while the crowd lambasts him. Suddenly, silence filled the stadium as monstrous footsteps are heard from the large doors. Mario's heart rate accelerates as his anticipation, fear, and regret grow immensely, sweat dripping down his face. With no further warning, like a frog on 5-Hour Energy, a large ape with a red tie bounces into the arena. Now, the crowd's previously demeaning sound had become a sound of admiration.
Mario, hoping to find any sign of weakness, assesses his opponent. This large brown ape, now identified as Donkey Kong, is probably double his size. He wore a hairdo swirled like frosting, massive arms and pecs that could crush a cannonball. Around his neck was a red tie with "DK" embroidered in yellow. Immediately, he demolishes two barrels with his gargantuan fists.
I'm screwed.
"Enough with the showboating!"
Mario comes out of his daze just in time to encounter a glimpse into the dynamic between father and son and Donkey Kong's current ego trip.
"What do you mean?!" Donkey Kong incredulously asks. "It's what they came here for! Dancing pecs!"
The zealous ape then proceeds to flex his pecs, causing even more wild fanfare. In an attempt to get things started, Cranky Kong yells,
"Okay, simmer down. I said SIMMER DOWN!"
Once Diddy Kong gets the memo, Cranky begins to explain the rules. Mario listens intently.
"Now, since I want this fight to last more than five seconds, I put power ups around the arena. You're welcome, Mario."
"I don't need anything special to break every bone in your tiny body!" Donkey Kong yells, killing most hope Mario has.
As the crowd cheers, most intelligent thought leaves the mind of our favorite red-clad plumber. A nervous laugh emits from him, followed by an "Alright" and a charge towards Donkey Kong. He jumps. He prepares a punch...
Only for Donkey Kong to slam his head against the faded red girder and repeatedly slap Mario in the face. Currently, Mario is in pain as each thick slap connects with his sensitive facial skin. Peach and Toad can only cringe in horror as their kingdom's only hope is made into a fool before the crowd.
"Guess you're not getting my army!" Cranky Kong confidently jests as the younger Kong kicks Mario in the stomach, sending him careening nearly off of the girder.
As Donkey Kong has his ego fed by the cheerful crowd, Mario, not about to be deterred, takes a moment to climb back up. Above the ape's head, a glowing power up box glows. Mario forms an idea. If he can get the Super Mushroom, he can grow to Donkey Kong's size, leveling the playing field. Unaware of the existence of other mushrooms, Mario begins running towards it.
"It is on like Donkey Kong" the other creature in the ring quips. However, despite his charge, he is unable to snatch the sly Mario, who slips under and grabs the mushroom in the box.
"You're about to pick on someone your own size," Mario ironically says, taking no notice of the color of the mushroom. Popping the foul-tasting mushroom into his mouth and quickly consuming it, Mario lets out a yell and begins charging towards Donkey Kong. He had not realized what literally every other soul there had: the mushroom was in fact the rare Mini Mushroom. Not often found in arena duels, this mushroom is the antithesis of the Super Mushroom: it shrinks instead of grows.
Mario slows as his war cry quickly becomes a war squeak. Shrinking to a miniature size, Mario quickly realizes how badly he's screwed up. He's now only a few inches tall and susceptible to damage from everything. The previously large ape is now a towering threat that had triple the advantage. He also has no way of reaching a power up.
Donkey Kong is initially surprised by this. He had been expecting an actual challenge from his oversight. Perhaps he shouldn't have boasted. Oh, but now. Now his "opponent" was a bite-sized nuisance with no defense.
The ape bends his head down to Mario's level and emits a giggle. Mario's heart rate is currently running a 500-yard dash as his fight or flight instinct came in. What little rationality he had at this point chose flight. Mario fruitlessly scurries away as in three bounds, the massive Kong bounces Mario into his palm.
As he now gazes into the endless spheres of black known as the eyes of Donkey Kong, his flesh turns white and a cold sweat overtakes his hot, tired sweat. No bullying from his old bully Spike, no misadventures he'd faced, not even any of the previous events today could ever live up to the megalophobia Mario is currently facing.
Meanwhile, Donkey Kong is smiling at his newfound plaything. What would be the best course of action? How can I knock out his sense of determination while putting myself on a pedestal? I wish I had eaten breakfast...
With the new silence from a crowd awaiting anything, a new sound cuts through Mario's miniscule ears.
The deep, gargled growling of Donkey Kong's stomach.
Slowly, a thought enters Mario's mind. A horrifying thought, similar to the epiphany the Kong is having, that's just accelerating as the spheres he looks into dilate.
He's going to eat me.
A thought that would become reality as Donkey Kong's lips parted, revealing the dark, moist, cavernous interior of his mouth. His tongue pulsates in anticipation, and his hot breath falls upon our plumber, the smell having the faint scent of rotting banana.
Only pure primordial thoughts (and perhaps Ave Maria) could be conjured up as Mario is tossed, flying into a divot created by the ape's tongue. He's then pushed against the hard roof of the maw, being savored. He could only yell as he went further into the cave.
On the outside, Donkey Kong's mind is racing with intrusive thoughts.
I'm really about to swallow an opponent!
My fans are going to enjoy this.
This is the taste of victory.
This was a mistake. Mario is soaking in salt. Donkey Kong doesn't like salt.
Back with the snack, the tasting muscle keeps quivering, trying to push Mario away from the gaping hole at the back. Mario can feel every twitch of regret, the physical manifestation of second thoughts. He can tell Donkey Kong is attempting to swallow him, to be able to revel in the victory of defeating his opponent in the single most humiliating way: to turn a threat into just a morsel, a snack, to make the saying "He'll eat you for lunch" literal.
(Not that the ape would truly consume him. After all, this was just for show. He was just going to regurgitate him anyway, and throw him out of the kingdom to fend for himself like the tiny thing he was).
And yet, these second thoughts keep Mario in a pool of salty saliva, preventing him from going down the ever-so-close throat. Hope begins to simmer in Mario's mind that he will be freed instead of going into the stomach.
Donkey Kong is struggling. The pressure pushing him on, but his body simply not having it. The wish to entertain isn't able to beat the rejection of the salty body suspended on his tongue. Eventually, the overriding of instinct fails. Mario is spat straight into the ground with a patootie and returns to normal from the impact. Despite all of the digestive fluids soaking him and everything on him, that sense of determination he'd always had returns.
The crowd, while disappointed that Mario wasn't stewing in their hero's guts, are certainly happy that Mario has been thoroughly shamed. Victory for Donkey Kong is still likely. Unfortunately for Kong, despite all of the fear Mario's just faced, all of the embarrassment in front of the princess, all of the failures so far, Mario chooses to continue fighting...