The Sky is a Surface (Cate Blanchett x Renée Rapp x OC)

October 3rd

"Would you like to come in and wait until Dash comes back? You're welcome to." I gestured awkwardly to our couch. 

"Oh, I don't want to impose..."

"Not at all, ma'am. I'm taking the afternoon off anyway, I'm done with work for the week."

"Well, then. I promise I won't be long. And none of that 'ma'am' talk, I'm not that old - Cate is fine." She came in and sat on the couch, taking off her long coat, "So you seem to be on top of your stuff, Angie." 

"I try to be." 

Now that I was sitting close to her, I caught a closer look of her face, only to be met with eyes that were already scrutinizing every inch of me. I felt a sense of skepticism coming from her, likely because I was Renée Rapp's roommate. 

"What are you studying?" 

"I'm not sure yet. Probably political science. Or Asian Studies." 

"Oh," she raised her eyebrows, "that's the first time I've heard of that as a major." Then I saw her squint a bit, and I knew exactly what she was thinking. 

"I'm half-Filipina. So yea, it means a lot to me personally." 

"Ah, of course. I'm sorry. Are you from the states?"

"Yea, born and raised in Texas."

"That's where my dad's from."

"Oh, amazing...you sound British, though?"

"Australian."

"Of course. Dash definitely told me that before." 

A silence. 

"So tell me, what do you think of...Renée?"

This was a very loaded question that made the hairs on my neck stand up. "Um, she's cool, but you know, it's chill, I'm really over celebrities, it's no big deal -" 

"Hmm," She kept squinting at me, then I realized that she was staring at my laptop on my desk, "Is that...her on your computer?" 

I turned around and realized that it indeed was - I had Sex Lives of College Girls on pause. My face started burning, because I had binged that show twice already after Renée was gone. 

"And is that...a poster of Mean Girls taped to the back of your mirror?" She pointed to a pink corner that jutted out from behind my makeup station, "It seems to me you're not quite...over celebrities, after all," she bantered, and her skepticism of me seemed to have melted a bit, "and that you've got a little crush." 

I was feeling too exposed to look at Cate in the eye now. But not for the reason that she assumed. 

What I was hiding from her was the fact that I knew exactly where Renée Rapp was at that very moment. 

-----

Less than an hour before Cate arrived at my door, I went to the bathroom for a shower, only to find Renée sitting on the floor, smelling like alcohol and vomit. I barely recognized her, because I didn't wear my glasses, and at first I thought a homeless person had infiltrated our building. I stood there awkwardly in nothing but a towel; she was in her bra and sweatpants, her hair was damp in loose strands, and mascara was running down her face. Her broken phone lay next her like a dead animal.

"What happened to you?" I knelt down and asked.

"It's all...out." She said weakly, her eyes glassed over as if she were talking to a phantom.

"What's all out?"

"Me," her face, which had always been so calm and composed, swelled up in blotches of red and her tears started running, "everybody knows I'm a fraud now."

I still didn't quite understand what she was talking about, so I asked if I could help her get up and go back to her room. 

"Leave me alone and go away." she snapped. I knew better than to remain in her presence. 

-----

But was I going to tell Cate that her son's girlfriend was in a very bad place, when Cate was probably the last person that Renée wanted to see right now? 

A strange, protective instinct rose in my chest, and I stuck to my innocent white lie. 

"You know, girls like Renée are never what they appear to be on the outside, right?" Cate said nonchalantly, "Which is why I need Dash to get her out of...his system." 

"How do you mean?"

"Well, I went through a phase like that myself...girls, young girls especially, put on an exterior, one that is hard, confident, and glamorous, and it's very attractive to boys. But underneath, there's a lot of insecurities. Resentment. It's not healthy for a relationship." 

"Dash has a good head on his shoulders. They're great together as far as I'm concerned. I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, he probably just overslept through his exam or something." 

"You seem to be a level-headed girl, Angie. Can I trust you to do the right thing when it comes to your friends? I'm afraid not everyone has your level of...maturity, at this age."

"Of course." 

"All right then," Cate stood up after a few attempts at probing me, and then she got a pen from my desk and started writing in what was probably the most elegant penmanship I had seen, "here's my number. Text me if you hear anything from them, all right?"

"No problem," I said as she walked out the door, releasing my breath only after seeing that she walked past the bathroom and down the flight of stairs at the end of the hall. 

In the days to come, I slowly pieced together bit by bit that Renée's disappearances were not just a bad girl's rebellious truant episodes; she was up to something much more aspirational, and even admirable, by some standards. She was secretly making trips to New York City to audition for theater productions on and off-Broadway. Dash had been tagging along for most of them, even if it meant skipping his classes and exams, because that was what he thought guys were supposed to do when they were in love. 

This particular trip had gone awry for some reason that I didn't quite find out; what I did learn was that they got into a terrible fight while in New York, and that Renée had to make the trip back to campus by herself. Dash came back the next day. 

Sensing that I had become the adult of our little college freshman group, I took the pains to text Cate that her son and his girlfriend were back, and both were safe and sound. She thanked me for being a "lifesaver", even though I personally didn't do anything to find any of them. 

A week before Thanksgiving, as everybody around me started making plans to leave campus, Renée stopped by my desk as I was finishing up a final paper. It was like she was a different person from the other day in the bathroom - she was now dressed to the nines in a stunning black dress, cherry red lip gloss, giant hoop earrings, stylish Gucci pumps. All Instagram-ready superstar, not a trace of drunk, depressed hobo. 

"Listen," she said, "I totally want to apologize about the other day. I was in terrible shape." 

"No worries at all!" I said almost too cheerfully, then resented myself for being too forgiving, remembering what Cate said about Renée. 

"Thank you for looking out for me. You're a good friend, Angie." She bent down and gave me a hug, her Gucci perfume overwhelming my senses, "You going home for Thanksgiving?"

"No," I said, almost anticipating a concern that wasn't there, "but I'll be fine here. It's a short break." 

"Well, I'm going to be meeting Dash's mom for the first time." She said nervously but with bubbly excitement, "We're gonna spend a few days at her beach house in the Hampton's. But anyway, I'm like, kind of anxious about it. I definitely want a friend there with me to feel less...alone. You want to come with?" 

"Oh my goodness," my heart started racing fast, "that sounds incredible. But are you sure his parents are okay with it?"

"Absolutely," she flashed a sexy grin, baring her straight white teeth, "and it's just his mom. His folks are divorced. She personally offered to invite you, actually." 

"Wow, I'm...honored." 

She started heading out, "I can't wait to meet her though. I really hope she likes me."