The Sky is a Surface (Cate Blanchett x Renée Rapp x OC)

November 25th

East coast winters were much colder than I expected. But sitting shotgun in Renée's car and catching a glimpse of the crisp sun dance on her wavy, golden hair was like watching November slowly melt away. I felt winter on my skin, but summer in my bones. 

Dash had dozed off in the backseat, claiming the entire space to himself because he had just pulled an adderall-filled all-nighter on a final paper. So far during the trip, he hadn't talked to Renée once, and I had serious doubts whether either of them still liked the other anymore. But if that was the case, why was Renée still so enthusiastic about meeting his mom? 

The questions swam in my head until Renée pulled me out of my trance. "You look deep in thought." 

"Yea no, I'm still in shock about being invited on this trip...it just seems very out of the blue."

"If you have any questions about me, or Dash, or our relationship, feel free to ask me." She said, making a fast turn towards an exit, "I'm an open book." 

"Ok, well, what happened the day...you know, I found you in the bathroom?"

"There are a few things that you should probably know about me, because I've never told you about them before. First of all, I'm working very hard towards being a musical artist, and I'm prepared to drop out of college at any time if I get cast in New York." She said matter-of-factly,  "Second of all, I've been body-shamed ever since I released my first album, and have been struggling with body dysmorphia and an eating disorder for the past two years. If you don't believe me, just read the papers."

"Shit, I didn't know that..." Was this why she had sex with her clothes on?

"On the day that we're talking about, I had an audition for Heathers off-Broadway. I prepared for it really well, but at the last minute had a lot of anxiety about...my body. So the morning of, I tried to make myself throw up after breakfast because otherwise I wouldn't be able to function, and the reflex wouldn't go away. So I kept gagging during my audition. Needless to say, it didn't go very well..."

As she was talking, the glitzy cool girl was disappearing, and underneath I saw an insecure and deeply human soul like myself. 

"Why do you have an eating disorder and worry about your body when you literally look.....perfect?" I finally said.

"You think so?" She glanced at me sideways briefly behind those large tinted sunglasses, a mischievous smile popping up on her lips. 

"Yes." 

"Dash has never said that to me before."

"He should. He doesn't know how fucking lucky he is."

Renée let out a loud cackle and poked me gently on my arm, "Go easy on the swearing, baby. You're almost gonna fit in if you keep doing that." 

"Hey."

"You know what I'd really want though?" 

"What?"

"Your body." She said coyly, "You're so slim." 

"Thank you, that's sweet." 

"Anyway, Dash was a complete dick about the whole thing. He said that I fucked up my own audition on purpose and had the nerve to string him along. And I just lost my shit, left him alone in the middle of Grand Central station and came back by myself." 

"What!? He's such an asshole, I'm sorry. I hate to say this, but I think you deserve someone who understands your struggles and can treat you right." 

"Know any good candidates?" She winked at me, turning onto a street lined by rows of mansions, "In any case, keep an eye out for me, nerd. Oh, we're here." 

-----

Despite venting my frustrations about Dash, I still hoped that he and Renée can reconcile their differences and make up. Knowing Cate's biases against Renée, I prayed that my being here would help Cate see Renée through my eyes: that she wasn't the spoiled and entitled brat that Cate thought she was, but a talented and sensitive soul with an independent personality and big dreams. 

And it all seemed to go very well as we pulled over and stepped into the Blanchett/Upton residence, a three-story colonial revival style mansion with a neatly-cut lawn and Greek statues lining the entrance. Cate, in ripped jeans and a much more casual sweater than I saw her in last time, welcomed the three of us with open arms, exuding radiance and warmth. 

"Welcome, kiddos!" She gave each of us a hug, "Hope mid-terms didn't get you down too bad." 

"Aced all of them, mum." Dash said. 

"Are you sure about that?" Cate responded jokingly, "I feel like Angie is the only straight-A student within a two-mile radius here." 

I chuckled uncomfortably, the way I always did when I was being singled out for anything. 

"In any case, I'm planning a big dinner party tonight to welcome you. Your brothers are all back, Dash." Cate guided us towards the entrance, "Roman has been dating Billie Eilish and she's here, so we'll have at least one singer in the house! Maybe we should ask her to sing something for us during dessert." 

"I'd love to join in too, Ms. Blanchett." Renée was completely unfazed, "I'm working on my second album at the moment, and would be so honored to perform for your guests, if you don't mind." 

"Oh, is that so? What genre of music do you write?"

"Um, mostly hip-hop." She said cheerfully, "You know, rap and stuff."

"I know what hip-hop is." Cate's expression was blank, "Seems like we're getting a bit of...variety tonight." Then she briskly walked away. 

Dash and I were shrinking from silent awkwardness on the side, but I tried to remain optimistic. Maybe Cate just didn't like hip-hop?

As we all went up to our rooms and got dressed for the dinner, I thought that this little awkward episode would be long past us as dusk fell and "Murder on the Dance Floor" started blaring outside. 

Around 7pm, we came down into the dining hall and greeted the other guests as they came in, everyone talking around the big mahogany dinner table with plates and cutlery neatly arranged. I caught a glimpse of the seating arrangement as we sat down, and my heart sank. It was going to be a long evening. 

Cate had arranged for Renée and Dash to sit as far away as possible from each other, on opposite ends of the table. She had seated Dash right next to me.