All the Pains of Loving

Chapter Five: Their Goodbye

Flashback: Lilly (17) and Alias (20) The night before Alias leaves for the Marine Corps training base.
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"Lilly, can you please let Pilly out, she's going crazy for that poor bird in the maple tree again," Mama chuckles, calling out to me from the kitchen.

From my cozy seat in the living room, I turn to see Pilly pawing at the patio doors, barking at the movement outside. With a sigh, I get up to open the door, letting out a too excited Pilly and also, as if he was just awaiting the introduction, letting in a sullen Alias.

He waltzes in, with a frown and low shoulders, not bothering to greet me or Ma but simply loudly sighs out before pausing at the foot of the stairs.

I open my mouth to asks what the matter is, but cannot do so before he turns to look at me and then dashes up the stairs, two steps at a time.

The deep furrow between my brows meets Ma's expression of concern and instead of saying anything she simply nods her head towards the stairs, prompting me to follow the defeated-looking lad and solve the case of his saddened behavior.

I huff. I wanted to return to my comfy spot on the couch and finish watching my show. I look longingly at the couch for no longer than ten seconds before Ma clears her throat and gives me that motherly look that I know all too well.
I nod silently before following the path to my dreary best friend.

It isn't a lack of interest in Al that made me not soonest follow him and find out what the matter is, it's that I know what it's about and I also don't know how to help him or what to do. I feel like he might need space but at the same time, whenever I look at him, all my heart wants to do is feel his in a tight, never yielding hug. Wrap him safely in my arms, as he does me when I'm down. Tell him he's okay and that everything will get better. Wipe any and all of his tears and kiss beneath his eyes, like he does to me.

The moment I learnt what love is, is the moment I declared myself in love with Alias Solado. From that moment onward, until the end of all moments.
This is a vow I made when I was six and I intend to keep it until my last breath.

"Al?" I ask in a voice comparative to a mouse. I know sometimes he just needs space and quiet with his thoughts and he likes to do so on our roof, he says it has the best views. We're surrounded my maple trees, I don't know what views he so appreciates, but I like keeping his company up there when he allows, which now that I've given it some thought, is always.

Sticking my head out the window of my room, I see him sitting there in his usual position in the middle of the rooftop; knees bents, elbows so braced on them, hunched shoulders, and a steady gaze at the maple trees and the late afternoon sky of watermelons and mandarins. We are in the middle of nature's galore of color. It's peace. I suppose, I understand why he likes to sit here, the views of pure nature are beautiful indeed.

I don't say anything when I take my usual seat next to him. Same position as his but my head is turned to gaze at another beautiful view; Al in all his splendor.
Cocoa brown curls down to his lower nape, catching blue eyes that mimic icicles sometimes and the midday sky at others. Pretty pink lips and a slight hint of a beard and mustache has grown back since he trimmed it last. I told him he should let it grow out, but since that day we realized his kisses left my cheeks redder than they usually would, "the scratchy beard had to go", he'd said while tenderly swiping his fingers over my cheeks. A small consequence for such appreciated acts of affection but he wouldn't hear me when I told him it was fine.

I'm looking at him still, even as he continues to look ahead, I'm looking at him still, so I see when it happens. I see when he lets go. I see when the dam breaks and the walls fall. I'm looking at him still, so I see the first tear as it travels down his wind-whipped cheeks. I see the second, as I scoot closer to him. I see the third, as I wrap my short, but ever-welcoming arms of empathy around him in a hug that reunites my heart with his and let's him bow his head down into the crook of my neck and fully let it all out.