Spices (FIRST DRAFT) ~ An Alejandro and Alfred Story

𝓝𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓽𝓮𝓮𝓷

Alcohol, as poisonous as I learned to define it while it became the root of all ills in my family, still was something that I turned to in a time of need. I always searched for a moment, an inconvenience and excuse to let it slip back into my life. As much as I hated it, I needed it. It was the only thing that comforted me.

That night was pure buzzing and blurriness. I remember to my disappointment all the bars being closed and ending up dragging myself to the nearest corner store for cheap liquor and wine.

The clerk cocked an eyebrow at the amount of bottles I brought to the counter. “Big party?” he asked me as he clicked buttons on the register. I open my first bottle of the night and don’t respond, taking my receipt quickly and leaving.

The alcohol quickly drowned the words and thoughts that bounced around in my mind. It always worked. I was willing to do anything to stop thinking about what happened.

The dark empty streets brought no comfort to my intoxicated mind. The moonlight used to shower me with its solace, a spotlight under which me and Alejandro spent sleepless nights just to be together. To sit in the meaningless night, where life seems so much simpler for a few hours until our separate worries and responsibilities start all over again in the morning. I want to hold it close to me, but I can slowly feel all that sweet sentiment slip away. Like I’m walking backwards in life.

There weren't many places I could go on this lonely night. That one hotel I used to stay at was all that remained. Even when I’ve spent almost a year in New Orleans, without Alejandro it is but a stranger to me, another business partner worth forgetting.

I checked into the hotel and stared at the familiar walls of my room. I couldn’t even remember what my old room number was, and it didn’t matter because they were all the same, from the furniture to the flooring and walls. Pacing around, wobbling on my drunk disoriented feet, I was eager for a distraction, something additional to the alcohol that slowly murdered my most recent memories and dulled them up to a more manageable tone.

~~~

Headaches followed me through the next two nights which I persistently silenced with more alcohol. As the room around me seemed to drift apart while I tried to stand I began experiencing an odd feeling of deja vu. With more confused and painful thoughts quickly chasing after me when I woke up I needed someone to talk to. Usually Georgie is there for me, loyally standing with me during whatever I’m going through.

Just as my swaying hand rests on the doorknob, I suddenly remember where I am. Georgie’s not even here, idiot. When I decided to move in with Alejandro, he shortly left the hotel too after he found himself a girlfriend. I truly am walking backwards, physically back in the place where I started, with nowhere else to go. He would never have to go through this, why were situations like this so much harder when with a guy than a girl?

Sitting back down on the bed I look around the room and the similarities it had to the room I originally had last year. Memories of that one time Alejandro spent all day with me thinking of ideas for new cars and ways to simultaneously fix my business and have me stay in Missouri as little as possible came back to me. I didn’t even notice that he cared so much and wanted me near him.

It was a terrifying time for me, going to yet another big city as a last resort to not go completely bankrupt but the stress never really settled. Honestly it felt like Alejandro was holding the big weight alongside me.

No matter how stressed I was, he was patient. That's what went wrong last night. Could having more empathy really prevented this fall out? Before the thoughts could settle in, and my hands began shaking again, I lifted the bottle back to my lips as one more slipped in. I wondered if Alejandro was thinking of me as much as I am of him.