Raat ke baad hi to savera hota hai

Mana kabhi kabhi sara jahan me andhera hota hai

The team seated themselves in the bus after the presentation ceremonies were over. The loss had subdued them all, but everyone was still in a pretty relaxed mood after the match.

Except two young batsmen.

Shubman, who had not spoken a single word to anyone since getting out for a duck in the second innings, and Yashasvi, who was worried about his roommate.

*

On reaching the hotel, everyone headed to the dining hall, except Shubman, who claimed that he wasn't feeling well, and was going to their room to rest. Yashasvi was confused, how could anyone not be famished after eight hours, six of which have been spent on the field, but Rohit reassured him that it was probably nothing, Shubman was prone to motion sickness, and he'd hopefully join them later. Apparently it had happened quite a few times in the past.

*
After completing dinner, everyone headed to their own rooms.

Yashasvi opened the door and entered, to find Shubman curled up into a tight ball, his back facing the door. On a closer look, he found Shub’s shoulders were shaking, almost as if he was crying. He chuckled mentally at the thought. His Shubhi  bhaiya was much stronger than to just break down just because of one bad innings … right? However his suspicions were confirmed when he heard quiet sniffling sounds coming from Shubman, and he quietly made his way and sat down near him.

.

Shubman Gill lied down on the bed, curled up into a ball, feeling completely broken. He felt completely useless, and like he was just a burden on everyone who loved him. Maybe it'd do the world a favor if he ceased to exist. His dad, who'd sacrificed so much for his career, wouldn't have to live through the shame of his son’s terrible performances anymore. One deserving player could get the chance to play in the team with him gone, and they could shine brighter than ever if only they got the chance; Ishan wouldn't have to worry about his well-being if he ceased to be…that seemed like a wonderful option now. No more disappointing anyone, no more consuming resources that could be used on more deserving people, no more being a burden on the team, the country….

A hand on his shoulder distracted him from his thoughts. He looked up to find Yashasvi’s worried face staring at him. Oh how that lad deserved better, Shubman mused as he sat up straighter on the bed and wiped his eyes with his hand.

“Kya hua, bhaiya? Mujhe bataiye” (What happened, bhaiya? Tell me)

“Kuch nahi, beta. Tum fresh hoke so jao,” (Nothing, dear. You freshen up and go to sleep) He choked out, feeling like a complete ass. Now even his baby roommate was burdened by him.

Yashasvi frowned. This was so unlike Shubman bhaiya, who was always calm and composed and ready to cheer up anybody who needed cheering up. He remembers Tilak telling him how he had stayed up for an entire night, cheering up  Ishan bhaiya when he was sulking after a not-so-great performance, when he'd been burning with a fever himself. Everyone described him as a very kind, optimistic and happy-go-lucky personality, whose spirit could seemingly never be broken.

But they didn't see him stay up night after night, sometimes blankly staring at the wall, sometimes softly roaming across the balcony, taking care not to disturb the others. They didn't notice the way other than Ishan bhaiya, no one else questioned his “I'm fine” even when it was painfully obvious that it wasn't true…

“Aap abhi bhi match ke bare me soch rahe hai?” (Are you still thinking about the match?)

Shubman only curled up further in response.

“Jab mai South Africa ke sath first test me dono innings me perform nahi kar paya tha, tab aapne kya bola tha mujhe yaad hai?” (When I was unable to perform well in both innings during our first test against South Africa, remember what you’d told me?)

“...wo alag tha” (…That was different)

“Kaise alag tha, bhaiya, apke sath bhi waisa hi hua hai na jiske liye aap abhi pareshan hai? Par aap hi ne bola tha ki ek adh aise innings sabke hote hai,use dil pe na leke usse sikhne ke liye.. yaad hai?” (How was that different, bhaiya, isn’t it similar to what has happened to you due to which you’re still upset? But you were the one who had said that everyone has one or two bad innings, and we shouldn’t take them to heart, rather learn from them?)

“Yar wo alag situation tha… aur waise bhi tum mere jaise bar bar sabko nirash nahi karte…” (Dude that was a different situation … and anyway you don’t repeatedly let everyone down like me…)

“Ye aap kya keh rahe, bhaiya… koi bhi hamesha sare match me badhiya nahi khel sakta hai..har match me alag situation hota hai…” (What are you saying, bhaiya… no one can always perform excellently in every single match… the situation is different in each match..)

“Haan wo to hai…par fir bhi mujhe lag raha hai ki mere wajah se sirf sabka nuksan hi ho raha hai…” (Yes that is true… but I still feel like everyone is only getting troubled because of me..)

“Waise to koi bhi bol sakta hai, bhaiya, magar waisa nahi hota hai. Jo bhi jaha bhi hota hai koi wajah se hi hota hai…” (Anyone can say like that, bhaiya, but it’s not how it is.. Everyone is where they are because of some reason…)

“Kya hi wajah ho sakta hai mera idhar rehne ka.. isse behtar mere jagah par koi aur zyada deserving banda aa sakta hai…” (What can be the reason for me still being here… it’d be better if some other more deserving guy came in my place…)

“..aur aap kaha jayenge fir?” (…and where’d you go then?)

“......Ghar hi jaunga aur kaha hi ja sakta mai…” (……to my home, where else can I even go…)

“Ishan bhaiya ke pass?” (To Ishan bhaiya?) Yash suggested a bit cheekily.

Shubman let out a dry chuckle. In the one month they'd been staying together, the kid had sure opened up  a lot, and he was happy to see that he felt comfortable enough to make jokes with him.

“Beta, agar mai picture se nikal jata, to mere jagah pe tere Ishan bhaiya ho sakta tha, aur wo ise mujhse bahut zyada deserve karta hai… anyway abhi wo sab baat chor, jake so ja” (Beta, if I'm out of the picture, then your Ishan bhaiya could be in my place, and he deserves it much more than myself… anyway leave it for now, now go to sleep)

Yash was still not convinced that he was being told the entire truth, but he decided to drop the matter for the time being. He had managed to make him open up somewhat, but he didn't want to risk pushing him further into his shell.

Having freshened up, Yash crawled into the covers, finding Shub already asleep on the other side. His aching muscles welcomed the soft hug of the mattress and blankets, and he was out like a light.