Did you know that keeping a pregnancy secret from your workplace was extremely difficult? Especially when your baby daddy was best friends with two of the five employees?
We'd nearly let it slip that day, but I had managed to cover it all up and luckily Kelce had next to no brain cells.
"Hi?" Cole smiled at me with raised brows as I moved myself onto his lap, straddling him on the couch. "Yeah, hi, whatever," I quickly went through the niceties as I took his hands and placed them on my belly.
Slight bumping was happening. We could see it starting to form when I'd had a big meal or late at night. It was quite exciting and terrifying all at once, but it meant that our bun was growing.
"Feel," I told him, smoothing his hands out onto my stomach, and his fingers splayed, covering me as I smiled down at them.
"What am I feeling for? You guys okay?"
I chuckled at his worry. He always worried about us. "We're fine, just wanted to know if you could feel anything yet. Like any squirming or kicks? I want them to move,"
"Nothing yet, baby, but you're welcome to stay here," he winked at me, making me blush.
I had days where I'd be inseparable from him. I would dote on and follow him around like a love sick puppy. Other days I was very adamant that we'd only ever been and only ever will be friends and coparents. He respected me either way, and I was thankful for it. I understood that it was like getting whiplash, but I was struggling with the thought of us being more and for it to all crumble apart.
I'd been burned before, and I didn't want to be burned again. Especially when there was a baby in the mix.
Cole was rubbing my hip when I'd woken up. I'd called into his bed late that night when I'd been sleepless over the appointment we had for the bun that day. I was worried something would be wrong with their health or mine. I was worried I'd change my mind about them. I was worried Cole would leave.
I scooted out of the spooning fold we'd slept in. Cole dragged me back by my hip and stroked my stomach, and I felt like a dick when I moved his hand off immediately.
I'd enjoyed too much of being spooned by him, inhaling his spicy scent that always had a lingering of dart smoke. He'd smelt like casual comfort, something to nuzzle into from a borrowed coat. I'd loved his thick arms around me and his strong hand on my belly, but I'd gotten scared.
He'd leave me. He'd find out about just how badly I can spiral when things are not in my control, and he would leave me. So, to protect myself, I would only let us be friends, and move away from the loving touches and sultry smirks.
Because it all would hurt more when I'd miss him taking care of me as a partner than if he left me as a friend.
"You okay?" Cole asked, his voice deep and gravely, making me melt deeper into the cold side of the bed.
I want you to hold me, but you did bad things in my dream.
I'd dreamt that he disappeared without a trace. It hadn't been a great dream, and I was a little pissy at him for it even though he had no control of my dreams.
"Don't touch me please," I whispered, not wanting my friends hands on me like a lover. Even though I kissed him after he'd kissed my stomach the night before.
——————————-
I stubbed out my cig and nodded to Flo when she'd finally come out of the house. She was dragging her feet for our first appointment with the doctor, and I'd wondered if she was changing her mind about the baby. I'd had two smokes to buzz myself so I wouldn't be stressed for it.
