I Will Always Love You

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Tears and Tries

Jade West

"We need to talk," I said into the phone.

"Jade, what's up?" He asked.

I waited for a moment before responding. "We just need to talk." Before he can question further I hang up the phone. I hoped he'd come soon.

About fifteen minutes later Beck's RV showed up in my driveway. He rushed out, concern blatantly filling his face. He knocked on my door as if zombies were attacking and he needed to seek refuge or else his brains would be chewed off in three seconds.

I took a deep breath. I started to think back. I started to regret my dumb idea to call Beck. I started to wonder if my decision was too hastily made, too rushed. I got him back, after a break up I got him back, and he's mine again. Did I really want to wreck that? Maybe its just nerves, maybe my body's just going to its normal reaction and my brain will calm down. As my hand hit the door handle confusion clouded my mind. When I first called him I knew exactly what I was going to say. I was going to put on a brave face and just come out and say it; now that the time had come I wasn't so sure. Still, I opened the door.

"Jade, what's wrong?" Beck walked into the house looking around like a crazed dog and sounding even more insane. I didn't respond. I couldn't respond. His comforting brown orbs starred deeply into mine as he took my hands and enveloped them in his. It was a comforting, warm feeling, nothing like the feeling of passion I felt in the memory (was it a memory?) of Tori and me.

"It's... um..." I couldn't focus with his hands on mine. It was too sweet. It was too delicate. It reminded me how much he cared about me and how much it would break his heart when I told him what I felt I had to.

"Jade, I know everything about you," he said reassuringly. "You know everything about me... or, you will when you get your full memory back." The sound of confidence filling his voice was so... I'm not even sure what to call it. It was a good feeling. "You can tell me anything."

He stared deeply into my eyes, which only made me flinch. Pulling my hands away, I began to pace. What should I say? What am I even supposed to say? I don't want to hurt his feelings but that's practically impossible not to do with what I'm about to say. "I know I can tell you anything. It's just... hard, sometimes."

"I know, babe. However, you can't let something hard stop you from doing it. Relax. Breathe. Tell me why you called me up."

I did as Beck said. I breathed. I relaxed. I even flexed my muscles a little. Slowly but surely I calmed down. "I came here because I want to break-up," I eventually said.

Beck was stupefied. I stared down at my feet for two straight minutes as a deafening silence overtook the room. Eventually, Beck spoke up. His voice was no louder than a small whisper, "I finally got you back. Things were finally going perfectly. We were happy together, there were no more shouts and fights and we were both happy... or, I thought we were both happy." He looked up, his eyes boring into me, forcing me to look up. "Why aren't you happy?"

I looked back down at my feet. Where's the tough Jade? Where's the bitch that doesn't care whose feelings she hurts? Why can't she just appear yet? I look up to the sky, hoping that somehow she'll come so that this'll be easier, but she doesn't appear. I guess when you genuinely care about someone it's hard to treat them as if they're nothing. "It's... I've been getting some more memories back, memories that are making me question some things."

"Like what?" Beck asked. "Whatever it is you can tell me, maybe you're just interpreting it wrong." He took my hand again.

"You gave up on us, Beck," I said, suddenly angry. I don't know why but a river of rage just started... running through me. I pulled my hand away roughly. "When we broke up you had the chance to come after me, I know you did. Instead you just waited for me to count to ten until I left."

"No babe, you don't understand," begged Beck. "Trina, she was attacking me so that I couldn't get to the door."

I turned around angrily to meet his face, "You could've showed up the next day or something and taken me back. I would've hassled you but you would've been forgiven, you know you would've been. No. Instead we stayed broken up."

"Babe, we were going through a rough time. All we were doing was fighting and bickering and yelling at each other. We needed to cool down."

"You're not supposed to just stick around for the easy times," I yelled angrily. "You're supposed to stay and try to fight."

"I did stay. I did fight," Beck replied, loosing his temper a bit. "But every second I was with you was a fight! Much like the one we're having now!"

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down, or at least talk at a normal decibel. I closed my eyes, pausing for a second to just collect myself. "Then we aren't meant to be together."

"It's different now," argued Beck. "We're not fighting at an unhealthy amount anymore. We're more in-sync. Jade, I love you." He was almost begging by now. Trying to hold on to what we had.

"I love you too, Beck," I said. Tears were slowly brimming to my eyes. I didn't let them fall, I wiped them away brashly with my hands. "But that doesn't mean this was meant to be. I may love you, but I'm not even sure my heart belongs to you anymore. We've tried and tried and tried, we've tried so much that I think we've slaughtered trying to death. This was it, the last try. Now it's over. We're just not compatible. You have to let me go Beck. Let your heart move on."

By this point Beck was crying as well. My rock, my anchor to what little I knew in this world was crying and breaking apart into tiny little pieces. So I walked closer and I wrapped my arms around him. So we held each other's embrace for the last time, grabbing our last bit of comfort as lovers from each other for the last time.