MaNan : Love is Just a Word

7. Breathe

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"I'm sorry, but I think I need to drop out of college again?" Nandini blurted out without thinking twice as she reached the desk.

The mountain of sweaters at the desk closest to the door moves. The woman is still not visible as she sitting behind the desk, "Sorry, but, what the heck? Oh . Casablanca girl. Mr. Malhotra isn't here right now", she answers.

Nandini deflates. "Oh."

"Relax, freshy. He stepped out to commune with a tree. Or walk around or whatever he does when he gets keyed up on those tea drinks he's obsessed with. That guy and caffeine do not mix well." The woman emerges from all the fabric this time, sharp eyes and dark lips. She looks like the cover of a magazine but the stack of books at her elbow says she could verbally eviscerate Nandini without smearing her lipstick.

She frowns when she takes in Nandini's presence, "Is that a baby ?"

"Yes," Nandini bites out. Her arms curl protectively around Aarav in his sling. Aarav doesn't take the judgement to heart, her own mouth pouted in the baby equivalent of disdain.

"Hmm. Well, Malhotra should be back soon, so you can," she gestures to the chair in front of Manik's desk, covered in even more books than the last time Nandini was here.

Shaking her head, Nandini steps back. She feels like her windpipe is crushing her esophagus, like it's not just food and water being kept from her lungs, but air itself. "No, that's fine. I'm sorry for interrupting yo-" Her face morphs, concern painting between her brows.

"Hey. Are you o-"

"Can you believe the vending machine ran out of starburst again? I had to go all the way to the Law School and you won't believe the dog I ran into- Nandini? Hey. What are you guys doing here?"

Nandini winces. The pressure at the backs of her eyes pounds and the overwhelming urge to cry she's been fighting for the last hour comes back with a vengeance. She turns, mouth already babbling, "We were just leaving. It's nothing. We're actually going to be late, ha ha, so-"

Manik doesn't let her leave like that, "Hey."

It crushes Nandini's soul the way Manik does that. Makes such a tiny insignificant word, a sound, weigh so much. He does the same thing with Nandini's name. With a lot of what he says. Maybe that's why Manik thinks language is the center of everything. Because his voice just gives words that power, that weight.

Nandini opens her mouth to dismiss Manik's worry and her next breath shudders. There's this horrifying moment where no one says anything, Aarav soundlessly making a spit bubble and oblivious to the drop inside the chest holding him up.

Hinges squeak and the desk is evacuated, a flurry of papers ruffling and sleeves spilling everywhere. The woman stands up from her desk, "I'm just gonna- not be here," she says, not unkindly. She's startling short when she inches past Nandini, a less startling pitiful look on her face when her eyes land on Aarav.

Nandini thinks she hears Manik mutter, "Thanks, Jamie". But it's like her ears are blocked off too, the sound muddled and ugly, and she's ushered into a chair before she knows it, the straps of her backpack cuffing around her shoulders.

"I really can't stay," Nandini says, but she makes no move to leave. She isn't making a move to breathe either, just letting her body do what it wants, letting the animal of her body survive as it needs.

Manik doesn't respond, fiddling with something on a high table kitty cornered near the window. Minutes pass. Aarav kicks his feet against Nandini's thighs, his soft soled shoes thudding, vocalizing every so often but mostly quiet like he can sense the overall feeling in the room, in Nandini.