MaNan : Love is Just a Word

13. Summertime Sadness

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Abhimanyu makes up for shifting his kid-watching duties onto Manik by meeting all of Aarav's needs before he even needs them for the next few weeks, Nandini's as well, and sometimes Manik's too.

It's a little, a lot, obnoxious, and too much, a flashing ABHI sign dangling over everything Abhimanyu does, responsible and dependable. Older without the usual delegation that comes with it, strong-arming the youngest to do the things you don't want.

Nandini flits through annoyance, gratitude, and guilt.

It isn't actually Abhimanyu's responsibility, it isn't truly his guilt. It comes to a head when she finds Abhimanyu in the laundry, one of Nandini's work shirts on the steamer rack, a familiar scarfs with titles of Jane Austen novels all over it on the ironing board.

Nandini sighs. "Abhi, you need to stop."

He doesn't even look at her before answering, "I'm almost done. Don't worry. I have the brisket on a timer."

"The bri-" She stops, resting her head on the wall, Nandini watches the steam cloud in their little laundry room. It's a luxury here in the city and Nandini has gone from the always too-busy coin machines at her dorm to the laundromat a few blocks from the tiny apartment, to this, like she's come full circle. "You don't have to do everyone's laundry, Abhi. How'd you even get into Manik's stuff?" she asked him.

He shrugged, "Went to the loft to get a mic I left in storage. Manik said he was cool with it. And shouldn't you show him some respect, he is older than you?" he asked her instead.

To be contrarian she says, "Manik said I didn't have to."

There was not much reaction from him. She follows the traces Abhimanyu makes with the iron over Manik's tie, more careful than Nandini has seen him handle almost anything. "You don't have anything to be sorry for, Abhi. You don't have to make up for anything", she says softly.

"But I do," Abhimanyu says, not looking up from his work.

Nandini still continues, "Everything worked out. Aarav was fine. Nothing bad happened."

At that he looked at her, "But I broke a promise to you. And to him. I told you, when we first took you guys in, you could always depend on us, but on me especially. And I haven't always been able to keep that", his tone was soft but Nandini knows his self-guilt must be eating him up.

Her conversation with Manik rings in Nandini's head, as does her last conversation with her father. Are all broken promises the same? Do they weigh differently on the tongue, the conscious, and the heart, if the person breaking it tries everything in their power not to? Carries the weight of its shards with them?

Nandini wants to say something, anything that will forgive Abhimanyu of his misplaced guilt, but it dies in her throat because it feels like it will only make it obvious. The only one who has anything to be guilty about between them isn't Abhimanyu.

The younger tries anyway, a desperate, "Abhi," leaving her mouth but Abhimanyu sets the iron down and threads the tie on a hanger.

With a smile and clear eyes he says, "We should order a pizza. That brisket is gonna take hours. Whatever toppings you want. I'm buying." The dryer pings. Nandini nods in a yes as she orders the pizza.

Nandini's arms break out in goosebumps, naked and exposed to the air due to her sleeveless top. She stands in the alley for long moments, ignores the hazards of living in a big city, and blinks up at the sky, thinking about the end of winter, the start of spring.