Moving on.

Waking up kills me.

I dreamt of him again.

Well, he wasn't the only one in the whole dream.

Because people have more than seven dreams a night.

And each one lasts for only seconds.

But of all the stories my unconscious mind was telling me, I remember only two.

Two that seem vivid to me as reality.

Both were of him.

In the first one, he came to a party me and my friends were having.

But nothing happened. We just passed each other.

I waited for him. For anything -

a smile, a hello, a wink. Anything.

But nothing.

I didn't make a move because I was always like this.

Eversince that one day, I had developed unrepairable trust issues.

And, apparently, my mind already knows and accepts this.

That I'm either too proud or too shy to make the first move.

Or I'm just afraid that he would turn his back on me.

It's funny how even just in a dream, it hurt like hell.

It hurt so much that I woke up.

But as cliche and corny as it may sound,

Dreams are better than reality.

Plus the fact that it was only halfway through the night.

So I went back to sleep.

This time I was alone, in front of the computer.

And I was on Facebook.

He messaged me a couple of times.

Saying how sorry he was for not coming up to me.

And now I smile seeing how accurate that was to reality.

That eventhough his pride was on a level like mine, he would always be the first to give in.

Because he can't go to sleep without us being okay.

Because he can't stand me being angry at him.

Because his angina kicks in when we have a fight.

Or so he says.

"I love you so much!!!" he typed more than was necessary.

And I find myself smiling again.

He knows that I take "I love you" seriously.

That a misspell or a shortcut would change the whole meaning.

And that I find it cute when he's needy for attention.

My attention.

And that by doing this, I would definitely forgive him.

But before I could type in my reply, I woke up.

I instinctively took hold of my phone and checked my Facebook messages.

Nothing.

But I find myself typing "Morning there."

And then check if he was online.

Which he was.

And I was surprised that he still was because of the 15-hour time difference between us making it a good three AM where he was.

I try to not make a big deal out of it though and tell myself

that if he wanted to know how I was doing, he'd ask.

Then I move on to T, the phone app we use to communicate outside Facebook.

And somehow my day got a little brighter.

He sent me a picture of him making a silly face.

Dammit.

How am I helping myself like this?

He's over there starting to see other girls.

And I'm here checking my inbox every ten minutes for him.

I thought I was the settler. (HIMYM)

Maybe I was the reacher all along.

I delete our T conversation and lock the fone.

After 10 minutes,

I delete the application.