Regret's Echo

ONE

One

It was already dark outside. The stark contrast of white tiles was now marred by the crimson stain as the blood pooled around my body. My heartbeat thudded loudly, I felt the wincing pain in my chest. A loud bang reverberated as the clock slowly ticks, echoing across the room shattered the silence.  As my sight became hazy, "S-sorry," words came out of my mouth, barely audible as my trembling hands dropped, completely shutting my eyes. Even when my eyes were shut, I could feel someone's presence, trying to wake me up in reality. All I heard was a muffled voice echoing inside my head, "Wake up, please!" repeatedly said by someone I barely recognize. It was at that moment, I failed once again.

Why do I feel cold suddenly? Oh! There's this sharp metallic blade touching my skin. It was shiny, almost blinding when it was hit by the rays of light. "Do you even know me?" I muttered. There's no point asking pointless questions anyway. I didn't want to be saved.

"Lies," I chuckled at my thought. How foolish of me to think that way. I picked up the pen on my desk and wrote these two stanzas.

Silence is keeping me company tonight,
Darkness creeping made me lose my appetite.
It feels like something's stabbing my chest,
Blood splattered as my hand was pressed.

A lot is going on inside my head,
It all felt like I was drunk and it was pounding while I lay in bed.
As I tried to shut my eyes that's fragile,
It was heavy, so much, that it rained for a while.

Does it seem like a song? How I wish. I can't even think of a simple melody. I stared at it for quite some time. Yes, it was just a simple poetry. Battling with my inner thoughts,  should I release it? Nah, never mind. Why does it seem so easy for me to write this kind of stuff? Words came out naturally as if I was just talking to someone in front of me. Haha, darkness amused me. I tried writing more light-themed stories, however, it was so difficult for me to find the right words, especially in some dialogues.

This was the other side of me. Honestly,  I'm not a fan of this version. Yet, I'm amazed by how shattering her works are in this state. She created a ton of writings, words piercing like a sharp sword stabbed into someone's chest. I still have an unfinished story, yet I'm here writing this one. Late at night, nothing's new. All I could see was this low-brightness screen.

"Are you okay?" question that never fails to make me silent.   Honestly, I'm fine. Not the "totally fine", but not the "not fine" either. Confusing isn't it? Yeah, it confuses me, too. How can someone be happy during the daytime but depressed at night, huh? I suppose it's not the right term, more like gloomy.

Is someone out there listening? I hope not. How would I face them if they saw me like this? "Nothing's wrong, but it's heavy right here," I whispered to myself as I pointed my finger right through my chest. Did I say that right? Ugh, I'm not good at describing actually. I fake a laugh as tears slowly go down. Down? Yes, down. Kidding aside, tears uncontrollably fall, just like a typhoon bringing non-stop rain.

"Is this fine?"

"What?"

"Crying for no reason.."

"Come on! Do you really need a reason every time?"

"..."

"Hey! Look me in the eye."

I can't,  seriously. Does this seem messy to you? Please bear with it. This was all random thought.

"I said look at me...is crying that illegal, that you would think if it's okay to cry even without having a reason to do so?"

I felt silent. That's a nice point, I guess. But of course, why would I cry for no reason? I honestly don't know why.