Managing the Swans

Chapter 6

Surprisingly Goshki was actually alright with the horses. He helped bring in a few of the quieter ones and walked with me every time I went out for another. But the final time out he was starting to get a bit tired, doing that much walking after his intense training must have been gruelling on his legs. Glancing up at the setting sun I realise just how much of his evening I have taken up, he has to be missing out on study or rest time. Although, it was nice to have an actual human to talk to while doing the horses, someone who could respond with actual words.

"Sorry, I'm probably keeping you from more important things." I duck my face away from him, embarrassed about my behaviour.

"No, I asked you to talk. Plus, I'm kind of avoiding doing the homework I have, one day won't make a difference." We both huff a laugh at his comment. "Plus, the team is having a study session tomorrow instead of training for our day off."

"That's good, you said that you have to keep your grades up to stay on the team. I'm sure it's hard at a school like this."

"Yeah, some of my classes aren't easy but the teachers are a bit more lenient for athletes due to our schedules." By this time, I have locked up and we are walking up to the student dorms. "Wait, are you not a student? Where do you study then?"

"Oh, I'm a student, just not at Shiratorizawa. I take online classes; I moved here from Australia and my Japanese isn't good enough to study at a Japanese school. So, I just work on my schooling around my job here."

"Oh, that must be pretty cool, not having to worry about teachers being in person." He takes a pause, head tilting to one side. "If that makes sense."

"Don't worry, I think I get what you are trying to say." We both laugh as we step around the edge of the student housing building. "And this is where we part."

Goshki glances around before realisation crosses his face. He gives a small nod before turning to face me. Folding at the hips he bows to me. "Thank you for speaking with me. I am grateful for your time." I shake my head as he straightens back up.

"Please, in the future, don't bow to me. Just use your words." I give him a smile, that he returns. "I might see you at your next training."

A final nod to each other and we split ways.

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

For days the same routine continued, after a day at the stables I would watch the boys' volleyball practice, all their normal court trainings and their practice matches, I'm sitting in my little corner if the stands. Some days Goshki helps me with the horses after practice, chatting about anything and everything. He'd tell me about the student happenings, what he is learning, and answering my questions about volleyball.

A few weeks after our initial talk, I get the courage to start a new topic with Goshki.

"Um Goshki," His head whips towards me from the other side of the stable walkway. "Has the team said anything to you about me?"

He takes a moment to think before moving to face me completely. "Not outright. They have asked if you are alright and about how you and I are getting on, but they aren't asking too many questions." He pauses for a moment before his shoulders hunch slightly. "Is that ok?"

"Uh ... yeah. I guess that isn't too much." I take a moment to collect my thoughts while closing the stable.

I don't really know how I want to continue my relationship with the team. I'm really enjoying my time with Goshki and want to get to know the rest of the team, but I don't know if I can. My mind is telling me that I can't trust anyone, that if I join the team I will just get broken down again. I can't go through that heartbreak again. It almost ended me last time, sent me away from my family, my friends, to a different country.

I must have zoned out as I snap back to attention with a pressure on my shoulder. Jumping away I bring my focus up towards the figure in front of me. It takes me a moment to recognise Goshki in front of me, his mouth moving but I can't hear his words. Squinting my eyes at his mouth it takes me a moment before my hearing comes back into focus.

"Bella, are you ok?" I give him a small nod, glancing around to get my focus back. "I don't think so. Bella, you're breathing really quickly." Concern fills his eyes, his words making me realise that I am breathing fast, the memories making me hyperventilate.

Keeping my focus on Goshki I take a large inhale and get control over my breathing. After about a minute my heart stops trying to jump out of my chest, and my breath comes easier.

"S-sorry. I ah I don't know what that was." I bend down to grab the buckets that I had dropped, taking them back to the feed room. It takes me a moment to remember what I was trying to say before. "Anyway, um, I was just thinking about maybe becoming the team manager for the team. I just wanted to know what they were saying to you about me."

I avoid his gaze for a minute, getting the courage to face him. I can't hear him moving behind me, I don't even know if he is breathing.

"Really." His voice is breathy, the softness washing over me. I turn to face him, his face lite up in a smile, the largest I have seen on him. "You really want to be our manager!"

Goshki is almost vibrating on the spot. A small nod from me makes him start to bounce on his heels, smile getting impossibly wider. I let him take a moment to have his excitement, his contagious energy encourages a matching smile onto my face, chasing away the nerves.

"When are you going to tell the team? Will you be able to come to our games? What about the training camps? Will you still do the horses?" The questions start blurring together before I get a chance to cut him off.

"Goshki, I was actually hoping you would help me tell the team. I don't want to do all of them at once, just a few at a time." He is nodding so quickly that I sincerely think his head is going to fall off. Reaching out I place my hands on either side of his neck, stopping the jerking movement. "And yes, it does me that I will go to your games and camps. I will still be doing the horses; it just means that when I have to be away with you either the riders will look after them or there will be someone else brought in."

Gazing into his kind eyes I get the sense of welcoming, that he really does want me to be a part of his team. I slip my hands from his neck, resting them back at my side. We just stand there for a moment, smiling at each other.

"So, do you want to tell the team tomorrow? It will be just us there, it's just a normal training session."

Nodding I make up my mind. "Tomorrow. I will tell them tomorrow."