Chapter 35🔞

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"What is it, babe?" Becky asked worriedly and let her use her hand as comfort, but was confused as to why comfort was necessary at all. "Are you okay?"

"Rebecca..." Freen addressed her with a long face and withdrawn movements. Staring into those big, unsuspecting sepia eyes made it a lot harder. The way her face contorted with sympathy for her only increased her difficulty in articulating her thoughts. We have to break up was on the tip of her tongue, but she wasn't so sure if she wanted to see the reaction to those words. Her throat seemed to constrict. She couldn't do it.

After waiting for Freen to follow it up with something, Becky spoke warily. "Yes?"

"I need to talk to you," Freen announced with downcast eyes. There was no jumping into it. She didn't want to spring it on her. It was unlike ripping off a bandaid, this almost required tenacity and carefully chosen diction.

Becky could've guessed that she wasn't about to hear anything positive. The evidence lied in the difference of her name. Had it been Becbec, she knew things were fine. But she was Becky right now, and that should've been indication enough.

"Okay..." she agreed, and Freen reached for her hand. Becky offered it to her and the next thing she knew, she was sitting beside Freen anxiously on the little sofa perched just to the left of the sliding door. "What is it? You're making me nervous..."

Desolate chocolate eyes only stared at her, then they fell down to the tanned hand that was in her hold. She swallowed the lump in her throat as her vision blurred. She closed her eyes tightly to save her tears, although the softest whimper had already gotten past her lips. Trying her best to keep her emotions intact, she squeezed Becky's hand until she'd mustered the strength to get on with it.

"Freen..." Becky used her other hand to gently soothe her by grazing along her arm. In confusion, her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to meet Freen's eyes. She was looking past her, not at her.

"This can't work," Freen shook her head and looked away.

"What?" Becky paused, hoping she wasn't saying what she thought she was saying. She prayed that it wasn't an allusion to anything.

"You and I," she said, then cleared away the thickness in her throat. "We - It won't work... If I'm here and you're there- I'll be in college and you'll be in a different state and-"

"Freen Sarocha," Becky interrupted, shaking her head and internally refuting everything she was saying. "No, wait. It can work, we've talked about this... Why are you saying that?"

"No, I'm - I need to break up with you now. Right now. I don't want to have to endure a messy one later on. If we do it now... On good terms... Maybe later, we can-" Freen shakily explained her rationale.

"Why are you talking about a later when I'm here right now? Freen, I'm here. I'm here with you. And even when I go, I'll still be here. My heart is with you, babe, don't do that..." Becky frantically grasped both of her hands and demanded her attention, but she didn't seem to believe her, "Freen..."

"You're gonna drift away from me. We're gonna get busy, and then we'll stop talking. Or... You'll meet someone else and they'll be better than me and you're just gonna..." Freen could hardly choke out the painful possibility as she allowed herself to cry. "Long distance never fucking works. I've never heard one positive thing about long distance relationships. They always start out fine and then they just..." Freen was forced to trail off when she gasped for breath. "I can't deal with that. I don't want to deal with that. Don't make me. Let me do this."

"Freen, no..." Becky released her hands and placed her hand on her cheek to force that teary gaze to meet her own. "I am in love with you. I'm completely in love with you. I could never find someone better than you, because you're the best person there is for me. And I'm not looking. You're my person, don't you know that?"

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