Practice Makes Perfect

The skate park was Jeff's go to place when he was upset. The atmosphere of it always bettered his mood no matter what. He needed that right now. He needed to get out of Alan's house to think a bit. It was not that he needed space from Alan. If he did, he would get it if he stayed at the house because once again Alan was not there.

He sat at a table in the skate park's cafe that had a good view of the skating area. He liked this spot as he got to watch people enjoying skating as much as he did. He did not have a lot of memories of his life before he was adopted by Tony. The only one that he still remembers was when his mother taught him how to roller skate. He could not picture her face clearly anymore but oddly he remembered the bright blue skates he had. And the feeling of freedom when she let him go and he glided smoothly on his own. Watching others experience that feeling always brought a rare smile to his face. He did not smile too often other than with Charlie and recently Alan. He wasn't smiling now thinking of the man. He worried at his lip and fidgeted with the bracelet on his wrist. Seeing the half heart made his own ache.

It had only been two weeks since Alan gave it to him. Two weeks since they got together. In every sense of the word. Thinking back to that night, still sent a feeling of excitement throughout his body but also caused more pain in his chest. That night meant so much to him. He was able to finally let go and embrace the love he felt for Alan as he let the man embrace him. At first he threw every possible excuse or reason for Alan to not like him at the man. The fact that he had a messed up adoptive father trying to kidnap him and an intrusive power that he could not control. Yet, Alan acknowledged all of it and showed that it did not matter. He wanted Jeff because he was Jeff.

There was a final reason that Jeff was not a good match with Alan that he held onto until the last moment. As crazy as the other reasons were, this one got to him the most. And that was that he was so much younger than Alan. Oddly he did not mind the fact that Alan was older. He used it to poke fun at the man but it really did not change how he felt for him. But the other way around may not be the case for Alan. Did he really want an inexperienced kid for a lover?

It was hard for Jeff to admit to the older man that it was his first time that night. He felt like his inexperience only further highlighted how he was not right for Alan. When Alan's hand moved to unbutton his pants, Jeff's hand naturally went to stop him. The excitement and fear that this was happening battled within him. When Alan gave his teasing smile asking Jeff to cooperate, Jeff could not resist the request. But he did not know what to do and finally told Alan that. From the bed to the shower Alan showed him exactly what to do.

It felt right that he gave himself over to Alan. Alan treated him so well. He went slow when Jeff needed it and went fast when Jeff begged for it. He was gentle until he didn't need to be. He made sure that Jeff was okay with their pace. Made sure he enjoyed everything. Jeff never thought too much what his first time would be like. He was so used to being isolated that he unconsciously continued to do so even when it wasn't enforced by Tony anymore. So thinking about who he may end up with was not on his mind much. He had no romanticized idea of how he would lose his virginity. But Alan gave him the perfect first time.

Hearing Alan say he would be his first and last afterwards made him so incredibly happy. At least at the time it did. Now he was wondering if he misheard the man. Maybe Alan had said that night was their first and last time. Because since then Alan had not tried to initiate anything between them. They had sex within seconds after their first kiss so Jeff had thought he may have trouble keeping Alan's hands off him going forward. And that thought secretly thrilled him.
However, that was not the case. Alan was still affectionate with him but nothing like what they did that night. He still smiled fondly at Jeff. He kept up with the flirty banter. He would hold Jeff's hand so their bracelets would come together. He would shower Jeff with kisses. Yet as soon as Jeff started to reciprocate Alan would distance himself.