Painful Pleasure

Wish

I wish I wasn't observant.
From the stares to the glares:
The glistening truth that lies in their lies
Trying to convince that all is desire
Yet,
We know it is not.
You know it is not.

I wish I was different.
One thing no one tells you is how to live
Darwin might be wrong
The selection might come naturally
But,
Survival is not ours to fit.

I wish I was true.
Words end one
Love ends another
Not my words, not my love
But truth be told
If I was there if I was...
Maybe all will be.

I wish I can love.
What is that feeling?
Kindness on check
But,
That utopia is far from me.
Grateful it has left me in one piece.
Sadly, I can not find one peace.

I wish I wasn't observant.
I miss the hugs: he, he, she, she
The new he can't love or hug
The other he can love but can't hug
The new she is trying to be she. and new.
The other she is loving without hugs
Another he I found, I wish I didn't
Yet,
Thankful I did.
I need to heal:
Learning to keep my opinions to myself
Learning to not explode
Learning to be better
Yet,
Things are far from good.

I wish I wasn't observant.
Maybe this bother won't be now
Maybe this burden won't be mine
But,
One thing with wishes:
They never come true.
Stuck. Trapped. Lonely.
I wish...
I am me.