Short stories

Too autistic💖 and Weep 🖤

Tw for too autistic: childhood trauma lol
Also two versions of it lol so enjoy.
Word count: 814

Version 1 (unfinished and never will be finished)

I stand here watching all the kids play, but no one talks to me. "Why don't they play with me?" I asked my mother who only gave me a second glance. "I'm busy Sleepie. Go play" I gave her a small nod as I walked out onto the play mat and ran up to a group of boys playing tag. "Can I play?" I asked excitedly, the group of boys gave me this disgusted look as they started making excuses before running off. I then saw a group of girls playing dinosaurs, I love dinosaurs! I ran up to them and asked if I could play. Yet once again they ran off making excuses. I walked over to my mother pouting. "Mama" I asked softly as I tugged on her shirt as she once again paid me just a second glance. "Sleepie you know I'm busy with your brother." Slouching over I nodded "I know mama sorry..." I spoke with barely a whisper worried for the lecture to come. "Go play Sleepie I'll help you later" I nodded as I once again ran off. Now no groups were left, was it hide and go seek?

Version 2 finished.
I see the way they look at me, they try to hide their disgust or their confusion as I laugh too loud. They try to pretend they don't see me as a separate species while I jump up and down or make funny sounds. They try to pretend that it does not weird them out for me being my true self. They look at me and don't see me as a human but rather a different species. They see me not on the same level as them, sometimes talking to me slower or not talking to me at all. I hear their giggles as they talk about My mannerisms. I hear their gossip as they judge and criticize. I stand here now in the mirror staring at myself, recalling a time where I thought of myself as a monkey. A street performer designed to stand out like a clown at a funeral. Now I stand here wondering what about my body makes me look inhuman, how can one stare at me and laugh at me for being different. Why am I too autistic? How could I even be such a thing? I recall times where I was called too autistic and treated differently because of it. Other times being told that I was not autistic enough to be treated fairly. I stand here lost as I don't know which I am, am I too autistic or am I not autistic enough. I wonder why society has decided one can be too autistic or not autistic enough when it is a spectrum.

TW WEEP: r@pe, abuse, trauma

I stand here as you cry at my feet begging for mercy. I listen to you wail about how you take responsibility for your actions. But all I hear are your white lies. I stand here as you berate me and mock me for what you've done. I listen to you tell jokes about how you raped me. I watch as you laugh as I am sent back into a flashback. I am tortured merely because of you being friends with mine. I stand here now as we cut ties and I see you for who you truly are. I stand here no longer seeing myself as a monster or abomination that is unclean. I stand here seeing you as the filth that you are. I listen to your cries as you pretend I am the one who is hurting you, I listen to your cries as you pin the blame on me and try to steal all my friends away. I watch you weep. But I feel nothing. Your sorrows, your cries, your screams do nothing to me. But fuel my flame. I wish to bash your skull in until those false weeps become real. I wish to hear you plead for mercy as I had pleaded to you to not rape me, I wish for you to feel every ounce of physical pain I felt while learning to cope with what you have done to me. I wish to hear your cries and screams just as you heard from me. I wish to isolate you just as you had done to me. I wish I could abuse you just as you had done to me. But I won't, because I am not like you. I will never stoop to your level and harm someone, for I am not you. I will wish pain upon you till the end of time but I will never hurt you. Because I am not you.