𝙑𝙚𝙣𝙪𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘼𝙙𝙤𝙣𝙞𝙨- 𝙎𝙖𝙡𝙩𝙗𝙪𝙧𝙣 {𝙁𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙭 𝘾𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙤𝙣}

{5}𝙂𝙤𝙤𝙙𝙗𝙮𝙚 𝙀𝙙𝙙𝙞𝙚

Farleigh was going on and on about how it's been at school. How classes are way more boring, how the parties seem to die down early, how everyone in the group seems to sleep together. Wait.

"Farleigh what do you mean by everyone in the group."

"Well I hook up with India from time to time, Jake gets with Lily, Emily has been talking to Tommy for, I don't know, maybe a month and Annabelle has been throwing herself at Felix to no avail." How was I this blind to everyone hooking up. Even Heather and Tommy?

"But don't worry, we'll find you someone. Oh! I vote Felix." Usually I would brush off Farleigh's sarcastic behavior and constant speculation, but tonight I couldn't.

"I think he votes for Anna, actually." His face drops a bit at my remark.

"Uh, no Felix wouldn't do that. Annabelle is like an afterthought to him." I start to feel the same lump I did yesterday.

"Then why would he have sex with her?" My voice breaks a bit as I lay myself back on Farleigh's headboard.

"But he-"

"-He would! He would Farls." He looks at me with sympathy clouding his face. "When are you going to learn that I'm the afterthought?"

As happy as I was to have Felix in my room last night, it didn't excuse the fact he was sleeping with other girls. It was a short remedy for him to reassure me that it didn't mean anything but it didn't hold up long.

We both share a deafening silence, since Farleigh didn't know exactly how to respond.

"Look, maybe he-" Farleigh is cut off by the chime of his phone. I see Anna's contact on his screen. A small panic ran through my body as I predicted what she was texting about.

He looks down to read it and slowly looks back to me.

"What?"

"Anna texted me."

"And?"

"And," Farleigh takes a breath before continuing the news, "she's upset because Felix slept with her tonight and left "rather abruptly" she said." A frown was forming on his face. I'm sure it pained him having to tell me this after picking up on the fact that I really do like him.

"She said, "Major mixed signals."" With that, Farleigh closed his phone and looked at me.

My face said it all. Tears were brimming my eyes, my lips were smushed together to contain a sob and my breathing was uneasy.

"You love him, don't you?"

"You have no idea." My tears began to flow and involuntary sobs came out quietly. All Farleigh did was take me in his arms and let me do as I pleased.

It felt like my heart had been "eaten and shit out".

It felt like an in direct "I told you so" moment from Venetia.

But most of all, it felt good for someone to know, and not kick me out of their life.

A surge of emotions were all hitting me at once, and I just felt too uncomfortable.

"I have to go." I wiped away the remaining tears and held in every last sob that still needed to get out. I could hear Farleigh telling me to stay but I just couldn't. Leaving his dorm, I passed Felix's. That alone made me want to drop to the floor in tears. But I just kept walking.

-

Arriving at my dorm, I let everything go. My face was buried into my pillow as sobs came from left and right. I couldn't control it. All I wanted was to be okay with everything around me. I love Felix but I don't care for the crying and pain I have to endure every time he fucks another girl.

It's exhausting.

My crying hadn't let up yet. I didn't think I could cry this much. That my body could produce this much tears.

I was tired.

My breath got worse. It worsened by the second and the pillow was practically suffocating me.

I've had enough.

I lifted my head and tried to catch my breath. When I did, I felt a bit better. Then I looked around. My room was clean. So tidy. My posters were straight, my lights hung at a perfect angle and pictures of me and the Cattons were littered around my walls. My room was exactly how I left it.

I've had enough.

"Hello?" Farleigh was on the other line a bit concerned for me, who just left his room in shambles.

"I need to redecorate," I say quickly.

"What? Es are you ok-,"

"And I need new clothes."

The line was quiet.

"Okay? Perhaps a drink after the news you got tonight?"

"Yes! And more pictures of my college friends and more parties and-,"

A new fucking life.