Meant to be

Cry baby

Satoru

Okay. Calm down, just calm down, no need to freak out.

But there is a reason to freak out, and I am, freaking out. Out of everything that could've happened tonight, Suguru kissing me for the second time was not on my list. And what's even worse is that this time it's not a dare, he's kissing me willingly.

I want to push him, I want to slap him for thinking he could give himself the right to just pin me against the school wall and shove his tongue into my mouth.

But god I can't, it feels good, too good. The way red wine lingers on his tongue, invading the taste into my own mouth, his hands on both sides of my face cupping them gently yet firmly.

I don't know what to do, I can't think of anything, I can't move a single muscle in my body. And I'm standing here stuck between shoving him away, and pulling him closer.

Thankfully, before I lose the little to no sanity I have left within me, a familiar voice seems to pull both of us out from trance.

"Oh. My. God. I knew it!"

Oh, fuck.

Even for the plastered Suguru that voice seems to be a loud alarm. Quickly, he pulls back, staring back at Shoko wide eyed as we breathe rapidly, making up for the loss of oxygen.

My body is on fire, every single fibre seems to be on flames. I can't think straight and I hate how easily he makes me feel like this.

" 'S not what it looks like, Shoko-" I lie, knowing that she will never let me hear the end of this situation.

"Suguru, don't you have a girlfriend? Going around kissing other people not to mention on prom night." The absolute rascal as ever, Ignoring my Defense completely.

Suguru who had turned 5 shades paler, the blush on his tan skin long gone. Me who has still catching my breath and composer. Shoko who just had to appear out of all the times in the world.

Not a good situation. At all.

"100." Suguru slurred.

"300 last offer." Shoko replied.

"Fine."

"Shoko, are you serious right now?" I'm mad, I'm scared and I'm in a state of turmoil. Suddenly as overwhelmed as ever.

"As serious as ever."

"Tomorrow, first period." And just like that, he's gone before I can even comprehend what just happened.

Shoko won't be any help, if anything she'll only be the salt to my open wounds at the moment.

Fuck prom and fuck you too, Suguru.

I spring out of the main hall, realising that my tears cannot be held back and I will burst any second. And I'll be damned it I'll let anyone in that rancid party see my tears.

The bathroom will have to do.

I rush to the bathroom, and to my utter horror Suguru is also there, water droplets trickling down his sharp chin having just washed his face.

I wanna control my reactions, to hold back the tears that are beaming at my white eyelashes but I can't. I simply can't. And for some particular reason I seem to find silently crying in the school bathroom stall much more interesting than going back home and locking myself up in my room till morning.

Suguru notices me from the corner of his eye, only for a split moment before I rush into the stall and lock it, taking small steps back till my leg hits the toilet seat, gross.

"Satoru wait-" I hear footsteps approaching the door, the shadow getting bigger and bigger beneath the door creek.

"Save it." I grimace at how weak my voice comes out, wobbly with unused tears, my spit thick and hard to swallow.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." He doesn't say what he didn't mean to it, whether if it was kissing me or suddenly sprinting out of there, not to mention bribing Shoko to keep her mouth zipped.

Tears start to trickle down my face. I don't respond, because I know my voice will betray me if I speak. So I won't.

"You confuse me. You act friendly, and kind. Treat my wounds and give me money for returning your wallet. But then ignore me and avoid me like you're- like you're allergic to me. And then out of nowhere you just-" I don't finish the sentence, I don't need to.

"I'm not allergic to you, Satoru. I just-"

"You just what? Wanna play with my heart? Is that why you shoved your tongue inside my mouth bad there?" My words are venomous and mean. But right now I couldn't care less who I offended.

"No. That's not it, at all. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I clearly had a little too much to drink, forgive me."

That shouldn't have hurt. But it did, strangely so. He regrets kissing me, and I kind of wish he didn't. I just wish he would sit his ass down and tell me what the fuck this is all about.

I respond to him with silence. All I can do right now, we're not even friends, I doubt we are. Friends don't tend to shove you against the wall and make out with you.

I want to tell him that it wasn't the kiss in which upset me. It's the thought and fact that he didn't mean it. That he stole another kiss from me and vanished without an explanation.

This is futile.

"Go home, Suguru." My voice is barely above a whisper, but loud enough to be heard through the thin grey stall. And thankfully, he gets the hint and leaves, his shadow disappearing from beneath the door as I hear a small click sound of the door.

I'm ruined, and I don't know how to repair myself. Or maybe I don't want to fix this.

And yet again you leave my heart, body and make up ruined. As you always do.